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Band 4.5

More and more young people from wealthy countries are spending a short time doing unpaid work such as teaching or building houses for communities in poorer countries. Why do young people choose to do so? Who will benefit more: young people or the communities?

#people #countries #time #work #houses #communities #benefit
It is ubiquitous that youngsters from highly developed
countries
 mostly like to visit underdeveloped
countries
 as
volunteers
 to do
charity
 work nowadays.
This
 essay will examine the positive impact of the donations by the youngster and company. As for the current
trends
Fix the agreement mistake
trend
show examples
 of going to poorer
countries
, the main reason for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
due to
 looking to experience a new culture and help communities. Not only for
experience
Add an article
the experience
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
 the sympathy and sense of achievements of the young generation is rising in recent days to make a movement. The great impact of the
charity
 program has shown up to the youngsters to gain a better life and equality for all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people.
In addition
, the most affected result for the underdeveloped
countries
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 getting higher education and knowledge
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the
volunteers
.
For instance
,
UNICEF
Correct article usage
the UNICEF
show examples
 association held internships for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young people going to the countryside as
volunteers
 to educate poor children in the city in advance to help with sanitation. Turning to the advantage of
charity
, it has advantages for individuals and poor communities. The young generation in their productive age
spend
Correct subject-verb agreement
spends
show examples
 a great time in a
charity
 program will
give
Verb problem
gain
show examples
 more experience from ignorance and
self behavior
Add a hyphen
self-behavior
show examples
.
However
, the development of
donation
Fix the agreement mistake
donations
show examples
 and the rebuilding of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
underprivileged children are getting higher and it finds a chance to have a brighter future.
According to
 the statistical data by the Ministry of Health and Education in Africa in 2019,
volunteers
 from various communities are joining to build schools and libraries for some underdeveloped
countries
 in Africa.
To conclude
, the trend of being
volunteers
 by youngsters is so important and can really help society all over the world.
Submitted by rossdannisa on

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Task Response
To enhance task response, ensure that your essay directly addresses the question, offering clear and comprehensive reasons and effects. Expand on your ideas with more developed explanations and ensure that your conclusion succinctly sums up your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
Improve coherence and cohesion by planning your essay structure more carefully. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, supported by examples or reasons. Use linking words effectively to ensure a smooth flow of ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion
To make your main points more compelling, support them with specific examples or data where possible. Your examples are good, but providing more detailed explanations or evidence could strengthen your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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