IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Human activities have negative effects on plants and animals all over the world. Some people think it is too late to do something about it. Others think there is still some time to take actions. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Nowadays, when our society is in the stage of rapid transformation, a tendency to increase the number of available
activities
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 can be seen and a lot of them are considered to be harmful. It is agreed ,that
people
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 make
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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 suffer from these and some of the negative impacts are irreparable,
however
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, others claim that some measures can be taken to save
nature
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.
This
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 essay,
firstly
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,will discuss how
people
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's actions can influence
nature
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 in an adverse way without
hope
Correct article usage
the hope
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to fix
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of fixing
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 it,followed by an analysis of what solutions can be suggested,before coming to a reasoned conclusion.
To begin
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 with, some
activities
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 considered to be really dangerous for forest habitats,
such
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 as hunting. Unfortunately, the majority of
people
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 do not understand the difference between farm
animals
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who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 were grown to be killed for eating purposes and the habitats of the wild environment.
Moreover
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, some species are at the edge of extinction
due to
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people
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's inappropriate behaviour.
In addition
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, there are other types of
activities
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 which harm
animals
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,
such
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 as feeding bread to birds,as it swells in their stomach and makes them suffer from pain,which can lead even to their death.
Also
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,
for example
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, weeds ,which are considered to be harmful to plants, have a positive impact on soil,because they can help to defend plants from insects,but
people
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 remove them repeatedly
and
Correct word choice
apply
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it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 leads to a decrease in the amount of them.
On the other hand
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, it is extremely important to provide
people
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 with information about the consequences which their actions can cause.
Furthermore
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, the government should make a system of high fines ,in order to defend plans and
animals
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,because the majority of
people
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 do not understand the importance of saving
nature
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.
For example
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, feeding bread to birds is considered to be a good action ,as someone thinks that they help
animals
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,
nevertheless
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, if they knew about real outcomes,they would not do
this
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.
Thus
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, it is necessary to keep humanity aware of risks, so that it will be possible to avoid dangers.
To conclude
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,
this
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 essay agrees that some
activities
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 make
nature
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 suffer and something is too late to change ,
however
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, there are some measures that can be taken to prevent future harm

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coherence cohesion
You should aim to create a clearer and more logical structure in your essay. Start by outlining your main points before you begin writing. This will help you maintain focus and ensure that your essay flows smoothly from one idea to the next.
coherence cohesion
In the introduction and conclusion, make sure to clearly state your opinion and summarize the main points of the essay, respectively. This will help to frame your essay effectively for the reader.
coherence cohesion
When providing support for your main points, use a wider range of examples and evidence. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
task achievement
Address the task directly by ensuring that your essay comprehensively responds to all parts of the prompt. Incorporate a balanced discussion of both views followed by a clear statement of your own opinion.
task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are not only clear but also fully developed. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, expanded with explanations, examples, or evidence.
task achievement
To improve your score in task achievement, make sure to provide more relevant and specific examples that directly support the points you're making. Try to draw on a broad range of knowledge and contexts.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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