IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think students should study the science of food and how to prepare it. Others think that school time should be used in learning important subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

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While
Linking Words
 some people say it is crucial to teach
students
Use synonyms
 about appropriate diets and scientific contents of
food
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 rather than teaching general
school
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 subjects,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 would contend that the latter view seems more plausible.
To begin
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 with, teachers can
advice
Replace the word
advise
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 their
students
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 how to practice their eating habits in
proper
Add an article
a proper
the proper
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 way. It is the most important part that learning about
food
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 for
students
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. First of all, it helps to
deacrease
Correct your spelling
decrease
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 number of
obesity
Replace the word
obese
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students
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.
For instance
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,
study
Wrong verb form
studying
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 how to eat
appropriate
Change the adjective
appropriately
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 in
professional
Change the article
a professional
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 way could improve their awareness
as well as
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 gain
knowldege
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 about healthy meals.
Moreover
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, they can recognise how serious problems
those disease
Change the determiner
that disease
those diseases
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 can lead to.
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School
Fix the agreement mistake
Schools
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 can provide the
accumulate
Wrong verb form
accumulated
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, and in-depth information for them.
On the other hand
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,
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school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 should teach a wide range of
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
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 their
students
Use synonyms
. First and foremost,
students
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 prefer to improve their academic skills in
school
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.
For example
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,
consistent
Change the word
consistently
show examples
 challenging tasks are
waiting
Add the preposition
waiting for
show examples
 them. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students
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 are struggling
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
due to
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 countless tasks and exams.
In contrast
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, studying
science
Add an article
the science
show examples
 of
food
Use synonyms
 and how to prepare healthy meals should be taught at
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
home. To be specific, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students
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 have most of their meals at home. Parents are enough to handle
those
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
educations
Fix the agreement mistake
education
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 for their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
. In conclusion, even though learning
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food
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 in
science
Correct article usage
a science
show examples
 way is important,
it is clear that
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 there are other numerous subjects that schools are allocated to educate their
students
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.
Hence
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,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe it is more crucial to teach
students
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 about
science
Add an article
the science
show examples
 of
food
Use synonyms
 and
preparing
Wrong verb form
prepare
show examples
 it than
teach
Fix the infinitive
to teach
show examples
 general subjects.

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Task Achievement
Consider using a more structured approach to your essay by clearly introducing your topic and stating your thesis in the introduction. This will help readers understand your main argument from the beginning.
Task Achievement
Develop your ideas more fully with specific examples and explanations. Although you mentioned obesity and the role of schools, providing concrete instances or citing evidence would make your argument more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on organizing your essay more logically. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, supported by examples or further explanation. Use transitions between sentences and paragraphs to guide readers through your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Using topic sentences effectively can greatly help in achieving this.
Task Achievement
Review your conclusion. It seems to contradict your overall stance earlier in the essay. Ensure your conclusion aligns with your thesis and summarises your main points clearly.
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