Some people think students should study the science of food and how to prepare it. Others think that school time should be used in learning important subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion?
While
some people say it is crucial to teach students
about appropriate diets and scientific contents of food
rather than teaching general school
subjects, i
would contend that the latter view seems more plausible.
Change the capitalization
I
To begin
with, teachers can advice
their Replace the word
advise
students
how to practice their eating habits in proper
way. It is the most important part that learning about Add an article
a proper
the proper
food
for students
. First of all, it helps to deacrease
Correct your spelling
decrease
a
number of Correct article usage
the
obesity
Replace the word
obese
students
. For instance
, study
how to eat Wrong verb form
studying
appropriate
in Change the adjective
appropriately
professional
way could improve their awareness Change the article
a professional
as well as
gain knowldege
about healthy meals. Correct your spelling
knowledge
Moreover
, they can recognise how serious problems those disease
can lead to. Change the determiner
that disease
those diseases
School
can provide the Fix the agreement mistake
Schools
accumulate
, and in-depth information for them.
Wrong verb form
accumulated
On the other hand
, school
should teach a wide range of Fix the agreement mistake
schools
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
for
their Change preposition
to
students
. First and foremost, students
prefer to improve their academic skills in school
. For example
, consistent
challenging tasks are Change the word
consistently
waiting
them. Most Add the preposition
waiting for
of
Change preposition
apply
students
are struggling about
their Change preposition
with
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
due to
countless tasks and exams. In contrast
, studying science
of Add an article
the science
food
and how to prepare healthy meals should be taught at their
home. To be specific, most Correct pronoun usage
apply
of
Change preposition
apply
students
have most of their meals at home. Parents are enough to handle those
Correct determiner usage
that
educations
for their Fix the agreement mistake
education
child
.
In conclusion, even though learning Fix the agreement mistake
children
the
Correct article usage
apply
food
in science
way is important, Correct article usage
a science
it is clear that
there are other numerous subjects that schools are allocated to educate their students
. Hence
, i
believe it is more crucial to teach Change the capitalization
I
students
about science
of Add an article
the science
food
and preparing
it than Wrong verb form
prepare
teach
general subjects.Fix the infinitive
to teach
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Task Achievement
Consider using a more structured approach to your essay by clearly introducing your topic and stating your thesis in the introduction. This will help readers understand your main argument from the beginning.
Task Achievement
Develop your ideas more fully with specific examples and explanations. Although you mentioned obesity and the role of schools, providing concrete instances or citing evidence would make your argument more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on organizing your essay more logically. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, supported by examples or further explanation. Use transitions between sentences and paragraphs to guide readers through your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Using topic sentences effectively can greatly help in achieving this.
Task Achievement
Review your conclusion. It seems to contradict your overall stance earlier in the essay. Ensure your conclusion aligns with your thesis and summarises your main points clearly.