Some people think students should study the science of food and how to prepare it. Others think that school time should be used in learning important subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

While
some people say it is crucial to teach
students
about appropriate diets and scientific contents of
food
rather than teaching general
school
subjects,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
would contend that the latter view seems more plausible.
To begin
with, teachers can
advice
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advise
show examples
their
students
how to practice their eating habits in
proper
Add an article
a proper
the proper
show examples
way. It is the most important part that learning about
food
for
students
. First of all, it helps to
deacrease
Correct your spelling
decrease
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
number of
obesity
Replace the word
obese
show examples
students
.
For instance
,
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
how to eat
appropriate
Change the adjective
appropriately
show examples
in
professional
Change the article
a professional
show examples
way could improve their awareness
as well as
gain
knowldege
Correct your spelling
knowledge
about healthy meals.
Moreover
, they can recognise how serious problems
those disease
Change the determiner
that disease
those diseases
show examples
can lead to.
School
Fix the agreement mistake
Schools
show examples
can provide the
accumulate
Wrong verb form
accumulated
show examples
, and in-depth information for them.
On the other hand
,
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
should teach a wide range of
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
their
students
. First and foremost,
students
prefer to improve their academic skills in
school
.
For example
,
consistent
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consistently
show examples
challenging tasks are
waiting
Add the preposition
waiting for
show examples
them. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students
are struggling
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
due to
countless tasks and exams.
In contrast
, studying
science
Add an article
the science
show examples
of
food
and how to prepare healthy meals should be taught at
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
home. To be specific, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students
have most of their meals at home. Parents are enough to handle
those
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
educations
Fix the agreement mistake
education
show examples
for their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
. In conclusion, even though learning
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food
in
science
Correct article usage
a science
show examples
way is important,
it is clear that
there are other numerous subjects that schools are allocated to educate their
students
.
Hence
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
believe it is more crucial to teach
students
about
science
Add an article
the science
show examples
of
food
and
preparing
Wrong verb form
prepare
show examples
it than
teach
Fix the infinitive
to teach
show examples
general subjects.
Submitted by yzzknzw on

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Task Achievement
Consider using a more structured approach to your essay by clearly introducing your topic and stating your thesis in the introduction. This will help readers understand your main argument from the beginning.
Task Achievement
Develop your ideas more fully with specific examples and explanations. Although you mentioned obesity and the role of schools, providing concrete instances or citing evidence would make your argument more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on organizing your essay more logically. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, supported by examples or further explanation. Use transitions between sentences and paragraphs to guide readers through your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Using topic sentences effectively can greatly help in achieving this.
Task Achievement
Review your conclusion. It seems to contradict your overall stance earlier in the essay. Ensure your conclusion aligns with your thesis and summarises your main points clearly.

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