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Band 5

An American film once said, “Tomorrow is important and precious”. Some people think individuals and society should more attention to the future than to the present. Do you agree disagree?

#american #film #“tomorrow #precious” #people #individuals #society #attention #future
I certainly support
view
Correct article usage
the view
show examples
.
One
 should definitely keep the future in mind and not fritter away everything to enjoy the present.
One
 always
remember
Correct subject-verb agreement
remembers
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 that the present would
one
 day transform into the future, and when it eventually does, it should be safe and secure. The same holds true
societies
Change preposition
for societies
show examples
. Let us why it is so important to be prepared for the coming time. The mortality rate has down and the span of life is generally longer, but the period of earning is comparatively limited. Nobody knows
long
Rephrase
how long
show examples
 he would live, but the age of retirement is generally fixed.
One
 cannot indefinitely.
Therefore
, during his earning span, he has to make sure that he puts aside enough money that hold him in good stead in his later years when he will be able to work no more.
Further
, requirements in old age are sometimes more than a person’s needs during the period of his youth. Deteriorating translates into higher medical bills and hospital charges. Being weak ,
one
 needs to spend more on commuting. He will need to hire assistants to help in the house. Next comes the needs
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 family.
One
 has to provide the education and marriage expenses of the dependent members of the family, like children and even grandchildren.
One
 has to pay insurance premiums, and even for the day-to-day needs of the younger members of the family, till
such
 time as they are employed and earning.
Moreover
, may incur extra expenditure on leisure activities. People generally more after retirement to meet their relatives and friends who may be settled and
staying
Wrong verb form
stay
show examples
 far away from them. There would be the usual expenses on house maintenance and repair, and the payment of personal and property taxes.
The societies
Correct article usage
Societies
show examples
 should think about tomorrow. Neighborhoods should be planned nicely. Everyone should participate in
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
. Good educational institutes
health
Correct word choice
and health
show examples
 centers should be there in all areas. If only today
looked
Add a missing verb
was looked
show examples
 into and no planning
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 done for tomorrow
then
 crime and violence would increase in society and everyone would suffer.
Therefore
, it is imperative
people
Correct word choice
that people
show examples
 and societies plan wisely for the future. If
one
 has saved enough,
one
 can sit back and peace and comfort in
one
’s later years and even witness the smile of joy on the faces of
one
’s children. If he has saved,
then
 the journey ahead would be dreary and dismal indeed
Submitted by hoaan2409 on

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task response
Your essay effectively addresses the question, but try to elaborate more on your ideas and viewpoints to provide a more thorough response.
coherence & cohesion
Develop a clearer and more engaging introduction and conclusion to better frame your essay.
task response
Use more specific examples to support your main points. This will help strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.
coherence & cohesion
Focus on creating a logical flow between paragraphs and within the essay as a whole. Transition words and phrases can help guide your reader through your points smoothly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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