Violence on television has a negative impact on children’s behaviour. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, unfortunately, a large
number
of TV
shows use
violent vocabulary and this
language has a number
of negative effects on children
's behavior
. Change the spelling
behaviour
Consequently
, a host of children
learns
it and Correct subject-verb agreement
learn
use
violent speech in society. I strongly agree about
Change preposition
with
this
argument. In this
essay, I will explain why.
On the one hand, a number
of TV
entertainment for
Change preposition
to
attractive
more individual uses bad and violent speech. Replace the word
attract
Consequently
, a number
of folk especially children
watch these TV
shows and learn some bad languages. In addition
, a host of parents has
not Verb problem
do
known
that their Wrong verb form
know
teenager
have a perfect memory. Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
Consequently
, children
and kids can learn more easily than the others. Moreover
, If children
watch bad TV
shows, when they get older they will use
and speak violence in society.
On the other hand
, a number
of folk
think that Change to a plural noun
folks
this
violence does not have an influence on kids'
and Correct your spelling
kids
children
's behavior
. Change the spelling
behaviour
However
, a large number
of people, Including me, believe that these bad TV
shows, movies and films can have a direct impact on children
. For instance
, one of my friends has a tiny brother his name was Reza. I remember that Reza watched a movie in this
movie some actors used violent language. In addition
, Reza learned these bad languages and used it
.
In conclusion, Correct pronoun usage
them
this
argues about that
how violent speech has an impact on Correct word choice
apply
children
's behavior
. Change the spelling
behaviour
Furthermore
, a number
of TV
shows, movies and films for attractive views use
bad language. In addition
, children
and kids can learn everything easily. Consequently
, parents should care their
Change preposition
for their
children
.Submitted by bazarjanimohammadreza83 on
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Task Achievement
To improve your score in Task Achievement, ensure that your response fully addresses the prompt. Develop your ideas more thoroughly with clearer, comprehensive explanations, and make use of more detailed, relevant examples. This can involve deeper analysis of how and why violence on TV impacts children's behavior and discussing potential counterarguments to strengthen your position.
Coherence and Cohesion
For better Coherence and Cohesion, focus on creating a more logical, seamless flow of ideas. This can be achieved by using a variety of linking words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs more effectively. Also, organizing your essay into clear paragraphs with distinct themes can help. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, supported by examples or explanations.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be strengthened by clearly restating the topic, your position, and summarizing your main points more effectively in the conclusion. This helps reinforce your argument to the reader.