Violence on television has a negative impact on children’s behaviour. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, unfortunately, a large
number
of
TV
shows
use
violent vocabulary and
this
language has a
number
of negative effects on
children
's
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
Consequently
, a host of
children
learns
Correct subject-verb agreement
learn
show examples
it and
use
violent speech in society. I strongly agree
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
argument. In
this
essay, I will explain why. On the one hand, a
number
of
TV
entertainment
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
attractive
Replace the word
attract
show examples
more individual uses bad and violent speech.
Consequently
, a
number
of folk especially
children
watch these
TV
shows and learn some bad languages.
In addition
, a host of parents
has
Verb problem
do
show examples
not
known
Wrong verb form
know
show examples
that their
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
have a perfect memory.
Consequently
,
children
and kids can learn more easily than the others.
Moreover
, If
children
watch bad
TV
shows, when they get older they will
use
and speak violence in society.
On the other hand
, a
number
of
folk
Change to a plural noun
folks
show examples
think that
this
violence does not have an influence on
kids'
Correct your spelling
kids
show examples
and
children
's
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
However
, a large
number
of people, Including me, believe that these bad
TV
shows, movies and films can have a direct impact on
children
.
For instance
, one of my friends has a tiny brother his name was Reza. I remember that Reza watched a movie in
this
movie some actors used violent language.
In addition
, Reza learned these bad languages and used
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. In conclusion,
this
argues about
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
how violent speech has an impact on
children
's
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
Furthermore
, a
number
of
TV
shows, movies and films for attractive views
use
bad language.
In addition
,
children
and kids can learn everything easily.
Consequently
, parents should care
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
children
.
Submitted by bazarjanimohammadreza83 on

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Task Achievement
To improve your score in Task Achievement, ensure that your response fully addresses the prompt. Develop your ideas more thoroughly with clearer, comprehensive explanations, and make use of more detailed, relevant examples. This can involve deeper analysis of how and why violence on TV impacts children's behavior and discussing potential counterarguments to strengthen your position.
Coherence and Cohesion
For better Coherence and Cohesion, focus on creating a more logical, seamless flow of ideas. This can be achieved by using a variety of linking words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs more effectively. Also, organizing your essay into clear paragraphs with distinct themes can help. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, supported by examples or explanations.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be strengthened by clearly restating the topic, your position, and summarizing your main points more effectively in the conclusion. This helps reinforce your argument to the reader.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Desensitization
  • Imitation
  • Anti-social behavior
  • Aggression
  • Empathy
  • Pro-social behavior
  • Media literacy
  • Fear and anxiety
  • Parental guidance
  • Temperament
  • Media content
  • Regulation
  • Censorship
  • Self-control
  • Critical analysis
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