IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the places visited by different people living in Canada. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the places visited by different people living in Canada. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#places #people #canada #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar chart illustrates the
places
Use synonyms
 namely
cinema
Use synonyms
, theatre , library and zoo that have been visited by different
people
Use synonyms
 living in Canada with instruments in percentages.There are 3 types of
people
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as new
migrants
Use synonyms
 born in other
countries
Use synonyms
,new
migrants
Use synonyms
 born in English-speaking
countries
Use synonyms
 and the
last
Linking Words
 one
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
born in Canada.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,most
people
Use synonyms
 that
born
Add a missing verb
were born
show examples
 in Canada have visited
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
cinema
Fix the agreement mistake
cinemas
show examples
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 70% rates
while
Linking Words
 the theatre has lower
figures
Use synonyms
 at 20%.As for the library and zoo both with 38% and 42% each.Next,new
migrants
Use synonyms
 born in other
countries
Use synonyms
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
mostly preferred
library
Correct article usage
the library
show examples
 as a place to visit with
figures
Use synonyms
55
Change preposition
of 55
show examples
% but it appears that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
places
Use synonyms
 like the theatre
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 lower
figures
Use synonyms
 with only 10% and other
places
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
cinema
Use synonyms
 and zoo with
figures
Use synonyms
50
Change preposition
of 50
show examples
% and 35% ,respectively.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
cinema
Fix the agreement mistake
cinemas
show examples
 are the
favourited
Replace the word
favourite
show examples
Use synonyms
places
Fix the agreement mistake
place
show examples
 for
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
new
migrants
Use synonyms
 born in English-speaking
countries
Use synonyms
 to visit
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 65% and other
places
Use synonyms
 with rates
40
Change preposition
of 40
show examples
%,25% and 50% ,respectively.
Overall
Linking Words
,all categories
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
likes
Change the verb form
like
show examples
 to visit the
cinema
Use synonyms
 compared to other
places
Use synonyms
 as mentioned.
Submitted by tifjong on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 78%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words places, cinema, people, migrants, countries, figures with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
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