The Chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed men and women of different employment status. Write at least 150 words.

The Chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed men and women of different employment status. Write at least 150 words.
The bar chart ilustrates about the number of
time
regarding leisure
time
that both
women
and
men
have in different employment status.
Overall
, It can be seen that
men
have
most
Rephrase
more
show examples
free
time
than
women
. With regards to employment status,
women
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
do not have any
occupation
have most free
time
at almost 80
hours
, compared to the
men
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
obtained over 80
hours
.
Women
also
get more
time
when they have passed their career and enjoy the pensionary,
however
the
men
that have same position owned greater number of
hours
. After that,
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
decided to handle
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
all
Change preposition
apply
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
households
also
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
more
time
for themselves to enjoy and do some
Replace the word
amusing
show examples
amusement
Replace the word
amusing
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
,
in contrast
men
would like
Wrong verb form
liked
show examples
to get their leisure
hours
when they were in
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
work. Turning to patterns, it clearly shows that both
men
and
women
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
still have no
occupation
and enjoy the retired phase are likely to have
similar
Change the article
a similar
the similar
show examples
number of leisure
time
.
Women
potentially
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
their free
time
when they
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
to do
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
and
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
occupation
Fix the agreement mistake
occupations
show examples
.
In contrast
,
men
are likely to achieve their spare
time
at their full-
time
work. Based on bar chart
also
notice that
men
rarely to do typical part-
time
occupation
than woman.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
Change preposition
of male
show examples
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
also
did not be in
Correct article usage
a housewives
show examples
housewives
Change the noun form
housewife
show examples
position that
handle
Wrong verb form
handled
show examples
the all of household things.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, in contrast".
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Replace the words time, women, men, occupation, hours with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.

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