Some people believe that music should be taught in schools, while others think that it is best to focus on computer and science. Discuss both views and your opinion.
Children
are basically fun loving
, agile and caring. They learn Add a hyphen
fun-loving
while
they play. It is generally argued that apart from studying subjects
, children
should be also
given some information about leisure activity
like art and music. Fix the agreement mistake
activities
In contrast
, other
think that Fix the agreement mistake
others
subjects
like Science and Computer
should be focused Fix the agreement mistake
Computers
more
. Change preposition
on more
This
essay will sheds
light on both perspectives and will end up with my personal opinion.
At the onset, Apart from the main Change the verb form
shed
subjects
, institutions should add some leisure activities classes. By doing so, this
can make the children
to
grow their interest and Change the verb form
apply
also
they will get some relief from their actual studies. Not only learning some subjects
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
after
getting Change preposition
apply
engage
in these activities will give them Change the form of the verb
engaged
chance
to enhance Correct article usage
a chance
thier
skills. Correct your spelling
their
For Instance
, In Japan, many organizations have a mandatory subject of Music in their subject. This
allows the kids not only enter
a new field but Fix the infinitive
to enter
also
help
them to learn Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
this
,
so that they can even perform Remove the comma
apply
this
art in their school function.
On the Other hand
, Many guardians believe that Computer and Science subjects
are mandatory for each children
, as it has Change to a singular noun
child
its
own importance. They prefer that these areas should be focused more. In Correct pronoun usage
their
todays
era, it is seen that to get in Change to a genitive case
today's
better
career, there are two fields to get Add an article
a better
achievemnet
and those areas belong to Correct your spelling
achievement
achievements
this
two Correct determiner usage
these
category
. To Prove it, In Fix the agreement mistake
categories
current
time Correct article usage
the current
also
, Many parents in India want their kids to get
Verb problem
have
a
good success in Remove the article
apply
science
and computer Correct article usage
the science
field
. Ergo, Fix the agreement mistake
fields
children
are meant to give
many entrance exams regarding Verb problem
take
to
Remove the preposition
apply
this
, which will help them to get their desire
field line.
Replace the word
desired
To Conclude
, However
both fields have Add a comma
However,
thier
own importance. After adding an activity class in the periods, it will make the Correct your spelling
their
children
enjoy this
classes. I personally think that, after learning Correct determiner usage
these
this
subject, many children
will add an extra skill in
their career which will enhance their skills Change preposition
to
overall
.Submitted by hlife4454 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic. Each paragraph should start with a topic sentence that clearly states the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that expand on that idea.
coherence cohesion
Make use of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs. Examples include 'Furthermore', 'In addition', 'However', and 'Consequently'. This will help your essay flow more smoothly.
task achievement
Respond to all parts of the task. While your essay does cover both views and provides a personal opinion, strive to develop your ideas further with more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Clarify and elaborate your ideas and examples. It’s important to explain how your examples support your arguments. This will make your essay more persuasive and engaging.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to the essay structure. Your introduction should clearly introduce the topic and outline your main ideas. The conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your opinion in light of the discussion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example