Some prefer hobbies that require technology while other people prefer hobbies that don't require technology. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Hobbies
are what
people
do
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
their free time. With the new
technologies
Add a comma
technologies,
show examples
we have other
people
opt
hobbies
Change preposition
for hobbies
show examples
with it,
while
others still
enjoys
Change the verb form
enjoy
show examples
hobbies
that
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
not include any kind of
technology
. Nowadays more and more
people
are being encourage
Change the verb form
are being encouraged
are encouraging
show examples
to do some
hobbies
that
includes
Change the verb form
include
show examples
technology
due to
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
perks like the
convience
Correct your spelling
convenience
and
hassle free
Add a hyphen
hassle-free
show examples
it can give you where you can just enjoy it
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the comfort of your house.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
the games you can enjoy on your computer or phones. Similar to
this
is the ebook wherein you can choose the
book
you like and just buy the
book
online and read. It can save you time and it is easily
accesible
Correct your spelling
accessible
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
most
people
.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
people
still
enjoys
Correct subject-verb agreement
enjoy
show examples
hobbies
that
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
not include technologies like sports.
People
still loved playing sports like basketball,tennis and karate where they
meet
Wrong verb form
met
show examples
a lot of
people
personally
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
share
Wrong verb form
shared
show examples
the same
intest
Correct your spelling
interests
that they
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
.Another one is reading books
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
a
book
club where
people
read
book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
show examples
that interest them the most and they share insights about
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
their fellow members.
To conclude
,
people
have different likings when it comes to
hobbies
some of them
enjoys
Correct subject-verb agreement
enjoy
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
technology
some others do not.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
I agree with them because
hobbies
that
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
not include
technology
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
promotes
Correct subject-verb agreement
promote
show examples
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
lifestyle.
Submitted by hazeljoyanuma on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to have a clear introduction that presents the essay topic and your thesis statement. Additionally, ensuring that your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and clearly states your position can strengthen your essay.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence, try to use a wider range of linking words and cohesive devices to connect your ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
To improve your task achievement score, develop your ideas more fully by providing specific examples and detailed explanations for each view discussed in the essay. Also, make sure to explicitly state your own opinion and justify it with clear reasons and examples.
general
Pay close attention to grammar and accuracy. Using a variety of sentence structures and checking for grammatical mistakes can enhance the readability of your essay.
task achievement
Be mindful of the prompt requirements. Make sure you address all parts of the task fully, discussing both views and giving your own opinion with clear justification.

Fully explain your ideas

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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