IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Your English-speaking friend who lives in your town has asked for your advice about learning a new sport. Write an email to your friend. In your email, recommend a new sport that would be suitable for your friend to learn explain how your friend could learn this sport suggest that you both learn this sport together Write at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your email as follows: Dear .........................,

#friend #lives #town #advice #sport #email #addresses
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Dear Anne, How have you been? It has been quite a
while
 since our
last
 meet-up. I was thrilled to hear that you wanted to learn a new sport. There are quite a lot of activities happening in the community center including indoor and outdoor sporting events. As you have told me that you have played Netball in school, I would suggest you learn to play Basketball.
This
 would not only help to maintain your stamina but
also
 would give you the opportunity to play with people in our community. The sports complex has hired a new coach to start practice sessions for all the newcomers. The sessions are scheduled on Saturday from 3.00 p.m to 6.00 p.m at the Lonore Sporting Centre opposite New Westminster Train station. I was
also
 hoping to join a team sport for some time now. So I would
also
 love to come to practice with you.
This
 would give us an opportunity to spend some quality time together. Hoping to hear from you soon. Best wishes, Madonna
Submitted by madonnasama on

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task achievement
The essay fits the task requirement well by suggesting basketball as a suitable new sport, explaining how to learn it, and proposing learning the sport together. Consider, however, expanding more on why basketball is suitable specifically for your friend, providing more specific examples or reasoning. This would make the essay more persuasive and personalized.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a clear order of ideas and maintains a logical flow, which is commendable. To improve coherence and cohesion, try to use more varied linking words between sentences and paragraphs. This helps to create a smoother reading experience and better connectivity between your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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