IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that men and women have different qualities, therefore certain jobs are suitable for men and others for women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, many people argue that males and females have their own personal qualities so that they are fair to
work
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 at the same
jobs
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.
This
Linking Words
 author totally agrees with the opinion.
Men
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 and
women
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 need to get on with others, both of them can support each other in
work
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.
Men
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 do the
work
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 which is needed to use energy and strength whenever
women
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 can manage and control the
warl
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work
war
wall
 more efficiently than
men
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.
For example
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, when a newlywed couple
want
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wants
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 to build a new house. The man is responsible for bringing the brick, finding a place to buy materials or builders and seeing how the builders
work
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 to control the process and keep it
save
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safe
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.
Otherwise
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,
woman
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a woman
the woman
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 can control all the
work
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,
sumarise
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summarise
summarize
 the whole period to make
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right decision and she can design or
decerate
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decorate
 to make the house look organised.
Men
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 and
winmen
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women
 need to be
trated
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treated
 fairly in
jobs
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, especially with using-brain
jobs
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.Each man and woman has different
characters
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characteristics
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 that
suitable
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are suitable
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 for each
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jobs
Change to a singular noun
job
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, we cannot give all the important documents to
men
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 and award only them.
For example
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, in a company, there is
a
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an
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 important
contact
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contract
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, the boss just
given
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gives
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 it to the
men
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do
Fix the infinitive
to do
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 it and the
women
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 just
cheek
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check
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 after they
finished
Wrong verb form
finish
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ang
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and
 do not
have
Verb problem
make
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 any contribution. It makes the
women
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felt
Wrong verb form
feel
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 not to be treated fairly that they want to go out of
this
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 company and there will appear a
decreasing
Fix the agreement mistake
decrease in
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 employment, we need to be fair with all genders so that we can find a lot of " stars "that will shine in the future. In conclusion, both sexes are
worth
Replace the word
worthy
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to be
Change preposition
of being
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 treated fairly. They
work
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 with each other can create the best result and bring more benefits.

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logical structure
Ensure the essay has a clear structure: introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction should outline your main argument, the body paragraphs should support your argument with examples and explanations, and the conclusion should summarize your main points.
introduction conclusion present
Make sure to include a clear introduction and conclusion. The introduction should present the topic and your stance clearly, while the conclusion should summarize the key points discussed and restate your position.
supported main points
Develop your main points more thoroughly. Use specific examples and detailed explanations to support your argument. Avoid vague statements and ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea related to the topic.
complete response
Ensure your essay fully addresses the task. Clearly state your opinion and extensively discuss why you hold that opinion, including relevant examples and explanations to support your view.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and expand your ideas to make your argument more comprehensive. Each paragraph should present a clear idea, followed by examples or evidence to support it. Try to develop your arguments more thoroughly for greater clarity.
relevant specific examples
Include more specific and relevant examples to support your points. Examples should be directly related to the job suitability and differences between men and women to illustrate your argument effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender roles
  • inherent qualities
  • social dynamics
  • merit-based selection
  • advancements in technology
  • levelled the playing field
  • gender stereotypes
  • equal opportunities
  • physical differences
  • workplace
  • evolving
  • traditional view
What to do next:
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