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Writing Samples
Band 5

The charts show degrees granted in different fields at the National University in the years 1990, 2000, and 2010. In the pie charts, there were four majors given in those years: Computer science, Medicine, Business, and Law.

The charts show degrees granted in different fields at the National University in the years 1990, 2000, and 2010. In the pie charts, there were four majors given in those years: Computer science, Medicine, Business, and Law.
#show #degrees #fields #university #years #four #majors #computer #science #medicine #business #law
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The three bar charts illustrate the degrees granted in four different fields at
National
Correct article usage
the National
show examples
 University in the years 1990,2000 and 2010 with instruments in percentages.There are four different fields namely
computer
Use synonyms
science
Use synonyms
, medicine , business and law. As seen from the bar charts,
Use synonyms
computer
Correct article usage
the computer
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science
Use synonyms
 major has the higher
in
Change preposition
apply
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percentages compared to
Correct article usage
the others
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others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 three with a figure of 30% in 1990
then
Linking Words
rise
Wrong verb form
rising
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 to 45 % after 10 years.
Next,
Linking Words
in 1990,business
major
Fix the agreement mistake
majors
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has
Wrong verb form
had
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 a similar starting point as
computer
Use synonyms
science
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
 , in 2000 ,it
begin
Wrong verb form
began
show examples
 to
dropped
Change the verb
drop
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 to 20% rates and ended at 15% in 2010.As for law
major
Fix the agreement mistake
majors
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, fewer students take part in
this
Linking Words
 field with 15% since 1990 and
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 figures in 2010.
Finally
Linking Words
,
medicine
Correct article usage
the medicine
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 course started at 25% but after 10 years
this
Linking Words
 number increased to 30% but dropped to 25%
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the next year.
Overall
Linking Words
,many students prefer
computer
Use synonyms
science
Use synonyms
course
Fix the agreement mistake
courses
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of
law
Correct article usage
a law
show examples
 major.
Submitted by tifjong on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 89%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words computer, science with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • degrees granted
  • majors
  • trends
  • significant increases/decreases
  • stable trends
  • technological advancements
  • job market demand
  • healthcare policies
  • research breakthroughs
  • economic cycles
  • globalization
  • entrepreneurship trends
  • legislation
  • societal issues
  • international policies
  • academic and professional interests
  • implications
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