Many claims that the fast food industry had a negative effect on the environment, eating habits, and families. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Today it is
common
Correct article usage
a common
show examples
belif
Correct your spelling
belief
that
fas
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
food
industry influences on environment,eating style and society in
detrimental
Change the article
a detrimental
show examples
way.I agree with
this
statement to a maximum extent and my essay will
elabarote
Correct your spelling
elaborate
on
this
in the following paragraphs.
Firs
Correct your spelling
First
show examples
of all, all these junk
food
companies have
harmful
Add an article
a harmful
show examples
impact on youngsters and children, who are big fans of fast
food
and fond of eating outdoors. The main reason why there is a sharply growing trend on unhealthy
food
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because
Add a missing verb
is because
show examples
they are cheap,fast and tasty.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
we can observe
an enormous ads
Correct the article-noun agreement
enormous ads
an enormous ad
show examples
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
fast
food
in
colloboration
Correct your spelling
collaboration
with
celebrity
Fix the agreement mistake
celebrities
show examples
, who have
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
influence on young
audience
Fix the agreement mistake
audiences
show examples
.
For
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
famous
kazakh
Change the capitalization
Kazakh
show examples
singer Toregali Toreali is
ambassador
Add an article
an ambassador
the ambassador
show examples
of
halal
Correct article usage
the halal
show examples
burger company, which is well known in Kazakhstan.
Consequently
Add a comma
Consequently,
show examples
many families who are his followers
orders
Correct subject-verb agreement
order
show examples
what he presents on his
instagram
Change the capitalization
Instagram
show examples
page. When it comes to the second negative effect, there is no doubt that eating
tremendous
Add an article
a tremendous
show examples
amount of fatty
food
can lead to obesity and
another issues
Replace the adjective
another issue
other issues
show examples
with health.
According to
the statistics our country is
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second place in Central Asia by the number of overweight people who
also
suffer from heart diseases.
This
is
a clear evidence
Remove the article
clear evidence
a piece of clear evidence
a shred of clear evidence
show examples
that
major
Correct article usage
a major
show examples
part of our population is altering their eating habits.
Besides
, we should not forget about environmental issues, which can be caused by
improper
Add an article
the improper
show examples
approach of human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
to wastes from daily life
food
usage.
For example
, many factories, which produce plastics for those companies contribute to air pollution and water contamination. It may be concluded from the essay that it is undeniable that
fast
Correct article usage
the fast
show examples
food
industry causes
considerably
Change the word
considerable
show examples
both social and environmental problems around the world. Because society and ecology are now under the disastrous influence of
this
mentioned industry.
Submitted by kassymov_99 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Focus on improving the essay's structure by ensuring a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. While the essay has these elements, further refining the transitions and connections between paragraphs will enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying sentence structure and avoiding repetitive sentence beginnings to create a more engaging and dynamic text.
task achievement
To strengthen your argument, provide more specific examples and data when possible, as this will make your points more convincing and grounded in reality.
task achievement
Address the prompt more directly by clearly stating your stance in the introduction and developing it consistently throughout the essay. While your position is implied, being explicit will make your response stronger.
coherence cohesion
Mind the spelling, grammar, and syntax errors in your essay. Consider practicing punctuation and word choice to enhance the overall quality of your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: