IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that men and women have different qualities Therefore some certain jobs are suitable for men and some jobs are suitable for women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Sexual distinction has been one of the most serious problems
on
Change preposition
apply
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around the world
during
Change preposition
for
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 many decades.
Although
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 it
is
Wrong verb form
has been
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 reduced dramatically in recent modern society,
this
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 still occurs in
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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certain aspects
such
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 as occupation.
This
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 writer strongly disagrees with
this
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 statement and
believe
Correct subject-verb agreement
believes
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 that gender equality should be prioritized. Despite having different characteristics,
both
Use synonyms
 genders have main factors leading to success. Obviously, intelligence and sensitivity play a pivotal role in
successful
Add an article
a successful
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 career, particularly business and
both
Use synonyms
 men and women can
also
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 have these features. Take Sheryl Sandberg who is the CEO of Facebook which is the biggest entertaining app
on
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in
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 the world
for instance
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. When mentioning
to
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apply
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this
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 social media network, people usually think about Mark Zuckerberg who is the founder;
however
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, in order to turn into popular at the moment, the contribution of Sheryl Sandberg is priceless. Another key consideration is that women, nowadays, become more sociable and they are willing to face risks in order to confirm their ability which completely contrasts with their shyness in the past. In
this
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 era, female
become
Change the verb form
becomes
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 tougher with their decisions
instead
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 of being afraid of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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pinching from others. The most obvious evidence is sports, especially football
that
Correct word choice
where
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 not only men but
also
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 their female counterparts can
also
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 enjoy
this
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 game and play some exciting matches.
For example
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, Nguyen Huynh Nhu, who is the captain of
Vietnam
Change noun form
Vietnam's
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 national female football team, is the symbol of
this
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 country
due to
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 her successful career in Portugal. In conclusion,
although
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both
Use synonyms
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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 still have some limitations, they have the right to
purchase
Verb problem
pursue
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 their passion and are
also
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 allowed to enjoy their own life.
Hence
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,
this
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 writer argues that people in
both
Use synonyms
 genders can do whatever jobs as long as they love it and can earn living money on it.

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introduction conclusion present
Introduction and Conclusion: Ensure the introduction clearly outlines your stance on the topic, and the conclusion succinctly summarizes your argument, restating your opinion. It was good that both were present but strive for more precision and directness in presenting your viewpoint.
logical structure
Logical Structure: Your essay should have a logical flow, with each paragraph introducing a new point that supports your overall argument. Consider using clearer transitions between paragraphs to guide the reader more smoothly from one point to the next.
supported main points
Supported Main Points: Provide more diverse examples and evidence to support your main points. While the examples given are relevant, incorporating varying forms of evidence (e.g., statistical data, studies, or a wider range of examples) could enhance your argument.
complete response
Complete Response: Address all parts of the prompt thoroughly. Your essay touches on the main points but could delve deeper into why certain perceptions exist and how overcoming these stereotypes can be beneficial to society.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clear, Comprehensive Ideas: Ensure each paragraph presents a clear and focused point. While you have good ideas, refining and focusing each paragraph's main idea could improve comprehension and impact.
relevant specific examples
Relevant, Specific Examples: Continue to use specific examples as you did with Sheryl Sandberg and Nguyen Huynh Nhu, as they strengthen your argument. Remember to explain how each example supports your claim in more depth.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender roles
  • inherent qualities
  • social dynamics
  • merit-based selection
  • advancements in technology
  • levelled the playing field
  • gender stereotypes
  • equal opportunities
  • physical differences
  • workplace
  • evolving
  • traditional view
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