IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

some people think that men and women have different qualities, therefore certain jobs are suitable for men and others for wmen. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #men #women #qualities #jobs #wmen
There is a belief that there are certain employments for either men or
women
 because of their capabilities.
Although
 some people think that both genders are equal now, I am
with
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of
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 the opinion that there should be a distinction in
jobs
 for them.
To begin
 with, it is crucial to understand that males, for the vast majority, are able to do better in
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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 related to strength.
This
 is because the body of the male gender is structured to be athletic and muscular,
therefore
, they are more suitable to do
jobs
 like lifting heavy commodities or constructing buildings. It is obvious that
women
 can take
in
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apply
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charge of those works too, but they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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easily
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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get exhausted and the work will be less effective
as a consequence
. Another reason
that is
 worth mentioning is that most
women
 are more
carful
Correct your spelling
careful
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 and
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 take care of people better than their counterparts. As an instinct of being a mother,
female
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females
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 able to pay attention to tiny details of the one whom they look after
at
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apply
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,
hence
,
jobs
 that require
this
 quality are more appropriate for them.
That is
 why the proportion of
women
 taking part in occupations including child-caring or nursing, outweighed those of their counterparts significantly,
according to
 a survey relating to occupation applications. In conclusion,
although
 both genders have the right to do occupations which they are fond of, the characteristics available in each sex will give people certain opportunities to do
jobs
 that they are more compatible
about
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with
show examples
.

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Task Achievement
Ensure your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. The presented argument follows a clear structure, but remember to consider counter-arguments to provide a balanced view.
Coherence and Cohesion
Develop your argument by providing more varied and complex sentence structures. This not only demonstrates your linguistic range but also makes your arguments more compelling.
Task Achievement
While your essay introduces relevant examples to support your arguments, strive to incorporate a wider range of evidence, including statistical data or studies, to bolster your claims.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence, make more explicit connections between paragraphs using transitional phrases that not only signal the relationship between ideas but also help guide the reader through your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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