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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows what Antropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologists in work after five years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows what Antropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologists in work after five years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The graphs
reveals
Change the verb form
reveal
show examples
 some information about the employment status of
Antropology
Correct your spelling
Anthropology
 graduate
students
Use synonyms
 from a university and their salary
according to
Linking Words
 the type of employment after five years. It generally shows that more than half of the
students
Use synonyms
 started to work full-time and working in the
government
Use synonyms
 sector has more payments
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 average. As the pie chart shows, working full-time is the most popular way of occupation among the
students
Use synonyms
 which contains 52% of them. With a huge fall, part-time work with 15% of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 has the second place in working types, which comes before unemployment with
3
Correct article usage
a 3
show examples
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 difference.
Then
Linking Words
, full-time postgraduation studies and unknown
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of occupation have
equal
Add an article
an equal
show examples
 population of 8% and the
last
Linking Words
 status is
studing
Correct your spelling
studying
 postgraduation alongside a part-time job. The table indicates that working as a freelancer and working
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 sector are more likely to have similar salaries, which has more weight in
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 part.
Then
Linking Words
, the
distrubution
Correct your spelling
distribution
 of salaries
are more
Verb problem
is
show examples
 closer
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 private companies, which means
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 probability of getting a salary in
range
Add an article
the range
show examples
 of 50000 to more than 100000
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 approximately similar.
Overall
Linking Words
,the figures show that the
Antropology
Correct your spelling
Anthropology
 graduate
students
Use synonyms
 are mostly full-time workers and it is financially better for them to work
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 sector.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, government with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
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