IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Environmental protection should be the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There are two controversial perspectives heating a debate over the fact in
this
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 day and age that most scientific
research
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Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 financed and carried out by private firms
instead
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 of the governor. In my opinion, the benefits of
this
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 can
do
Verb problem
be
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 greater than its cons. On the one hand, when private companies pay
money
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 and conduct scientific
research
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 there are various benefits. To be more specific, most enterprises' primary objectives are profits so they will utilize various methods in order to minimize the total cost.
Therefore
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, they will strictly order their scientist to follow the deadlines with a view to
prevent
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preventing
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 wasting
money
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,
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
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 and precious resources.
As a
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result
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result,
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 the product of their firm will be manufactured
quicker
Correct quantifier usage
more quicker
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 and more
money
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-efficient.
Furthermore
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, if the government lets private companies carry out scientific
research
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 it can help them reduce the pressure on the financial budget and allocate
money
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 for other crucial firms
such
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 as education or the environment.
On the other hand
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, I think if the government lets private businesses sponsor or undertake scientific
research
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 it will bring about significant drawbacks.
First,
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because the company has to spend a huge amount of
money
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 on their budget to do all the
research
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so
Correct word choice
apply
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they won’t let them
to
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apply
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be freely used,
instead
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 if a person wants to have full access
right
Correct word choice
apply
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to all the study information it is obligatory for them to pay a certain fee.
Secondly
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, it is very difficult for the government to ensure that scientific
research
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 is under their supervision. Because of the
profits
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profits,
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 the enterprises can sell their products
for
Change preposition
to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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dangerous criminals who want to use them to harm
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society In
my
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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conclusion, there are some demerits
appear
Correct pronoun usage
that appear
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 if the Governor let private companies fund their
money
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 and conduct
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
scientific
research
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however
Linking Words
 it can’t overcome its merits

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task achievement
Ensure that the essay directly addresses the topic given. The essay seems to discuss the role of private firms in scientific research rather than the responsibility for environmental protection. This indicates a departure from the task requirements.
task achievement
Develop clear, relevant examples to support your arguments. The ideas presented were general and lacked specific examples directly related to the arguments made.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs for each main point, and a conclusion. This structural framework was present, but your introduction and conclusion should more directly address the task.
coherence cohesion
Use linking phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs. While some attempts were made, the usage of cohesive devices could be improved to ensure a smoother reading experience.
task achievement
Check for task relevance. Make sure your essay directly answers the question asked, staying focused on the topic. This is crucial for achieving a higher score in task achievement.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • environmental protection
  • responsibility
  • politicians
  • individuals
  • large-scale
  • policies
  • regulations
  • impact
  • corporations
  • environmentally friendly practices
  • resources
  • expertise
  • collective efforts
  • difference
  • combination
  • crucial
  • effective
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