IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graphs below show the number of men and women in full and part-time employment in Australia between 1973 and 1993.

The graphs below show the number of men and women in full and part-time employment in Australia between 1973 and 1993.
#graphs #show #men #women #employment #australia
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The line graphs illustrate the data about labour force trend divided into six
age
Use synonyms
 groups and genders in over a-twenty-year period from 1995 to 1973 in Australia.
Overall
Linking Words
, the percentage of females who work full-time was lower compared to the other group. Meanwhile, the elderly people were barely taking part-time and full-time
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
. The smallest percentages
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
full-time female workers were
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
elderly people, and the highest
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 people
Use synonyms
age
Wrong verb form
aged
show examples
 15-19, with roughly 5% and almost 60%, respectively.
However
Linking Words
, there was a wide gap between 1973 and 1993 in the total of women who
take
Wrong verb form
took
show examples
 part-time jobs, yet
one
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 who were 35-45
age
Use synonyms
dominate
Wrong verb form
dominated
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 the chart with around 20% in 1973 and 35% in 1993.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are approximately 80% of
middle
Correct your spelling
middle-aged
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 men
who have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
Correct article usage
a continuously
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continuously
Change the word
continuous
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 position in 1993
although
Linking Words
 the number was lower
from
Change preposition
than in
show examples
 the previous period.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in 1993, the trend fell steadily from
age
Use synonyms
 45 to more than 65, by 60%. Whilst, there was only a small number of men who have temporary careers. Most of them
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
15
Correct article usage
the 15
show examples
-19
age
Use synonyms
 range and elderly individuals above 65.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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