Some people believe that women should play an equal role as Men in a country's police force or military force, such as the army, while others think women are not suitable for this kind of jobs. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
There is an
on-going
controversial debate on whether females and males have the same capability for the same position in a country's military or Correct your spelling
ongoing
police
bodies. While
there are some undeniable physical disadvantages for women
to work in these physical intense
Change the determiner
this physical intense role
these physical intense roles
role
, I believe that having women
in the team
will increase the overall
perfoamance
and efficiency.
Correct your spelling
performance
Streotype
is the main reason why Correct your spelling
Stereotype
majority
of Add an article
the majority
a majority
people
think these works are only suitable for men
. Both police
or
military authorities have been Correct word choice
and
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
men dominated
Add a hyphen
men-dominated
industry
for Add an article
the industry
over
decades among countries. An example in Hong Kong back in 1910, Change preposition
apply
women
were not allowed to inview
for a Correct your spelling
enter
police
officier
Correct your spelling
officer
role
as the
society Correct article usage
apply
believe
that Correct subject-verb agreement
believes
women
should be family oriented
. At the same time, they did not have any Add a hyphen
family-oriented
chances
to receive physical education. Fix the agreement mistake
chance
This
tradition had passed on to generations until early
90s, Change the article
the early
however
, some people
nowadays still belive
Correct your spelling
believe
Correct word choice
that physical
physical
focused roles are not suitable for Change the adjective
physically
womens
. Correct your spelling
women
On the other hand
, following the sex equality regulation implemented by the government in the past 10 to 20 years, women
are able to receive the same education as men
. Evidences
as most developed countries now offer the same physical training classes for both Change the wording
Evidence
Pieces of evidence
Shreds of evidence
sex
and Fix the agreement mistake
sexes
womens
have access to Correct your spelling
women
the
weight training Correct article usage
apply
equipments
at gyms. Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
Due to
the increase in their physical ability, people
believe they capable
Add a missing verb
are capable
to undertake
the same physical tasks as Change preposition
of undertaking
male
.
In my opinion, I Fix the agreement mistake
males
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
women
definately
should play an equal Correct your spelling
definitely
role
as men
in police
force and military force. In fact, I think having them in these forces will essentially increase the Add an article
the police
effiency
of the Correct your spelling
efficiency
team
. While
I agree women
has
less physical ability Change the verb form
have
then
Correct your spelling
than
men
in a biological perspective, physical skill is not the only skill required for the role
. In order to be a sucessful
policeman/ army, rather than being physically strong, there are some other crucial skills Correct your spelling
successful
are
more important, including but not limited to teamwork, management and attention to Correct pronoun usage
that are
details
. Fix the agreement mistake
detail
For example
, strategy planning and human resouces
management are ultimately the most Correct your spelling
resources
resource
signigicant
elements to decide on whether a military mission can Correct your spelling
significant
success
. Compared to Replace the word
succeed
men
, women
are better in
attention to Change preposition
at
details
and working together as a Fix the agreement mistake
detail
team
. Therefore
, I believe having both gender
collaborate together can enhance the Change to a plural noun
genders
effiency
of the Correct your spelling
efficiency
team
.
To summarise, although
there is a streotype
that Correct your spelling
stereotype
male
are better fit for the position in high physical ability Fix the agreement mistake
males
reuqired
Correct your spelling
required
position
, I Fix the agreement mistake
positions
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
women
will change people
's perspective by
time and prove that they can be a good fit for these roles.Change preposition
over
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coherence cohesion
Ensure a more structured and logical progression of ideas. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to create clearer connections between different sections of your essay.
task achievement
Try to introduce a wider range of examples to support your arguments. This includes statistics, reports, or studies that can provide a stronger evidence base for your views.
task achievement
For a more comprehensive response, address the counterarguments more explicitly. Acknowledge the opposing view and then refute it with strong arguments and examples. This will enrich your essay and show a deeper understanding of the topic.
general
Pay attention to spelling and grammatical accuracy. Although this doesn't directly affect the scores given, it enhances the overall clarity and professionalism of your essay.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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