Art is considered an important part of a society as well as an expression of its culture. Do you think it is important for children to be taught art? Do you think children should be encouraged to focus on art rather than other subjects?
Art
is considered significant
decision of Correct article usage
a significant
community
Correct article usage
the community
as well as
indication
of its culture. Add an article
an indication
This
essay will discuss it
is important for Rephrase
why it
children
to be taught art
and kids
should be encouraged to focus on art
rather than other subjects
.
It is important for children
to be taught artwork because young people can learn about the
history through artwork. Correct article usage
apply
Kids
learn to express themselves through creativity. Everyone should know about the history and changes in society. Art
is important not only for children
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
for adults. For instance
, my friend's brother went very much to galleries and museums, so he learned much more knowledge about history. He developed social skills by doing art
projects.
Art
is not an essential subject for children
to learn it
. Correct pronoun usage
apply
Art
will not help to
Change preposition
apply
kids
for developing
useful skills and Wrong verb form
develop
finding
a job later on. For Wrong verb form
find
children
, school
curriculum should focus on core Correct article usage
the school
subject
Change the noun form
subjects
such
as math, science and others. Basic subjects
, as well as
math and science, improve children
's mental performance. In additionally
, in our school, special attention is paid to math and science. Replace the word
addition
For example
, my sister should pay more attention to the basic subjects
because she can pursue her interest in artwork at home.
In conclusion, art
is a part of our community and our culture is in tegrated
Correct your spelling
integrated
in
it. Learning Change preposition
into
it
is extremely important for young people, but they should not neglect other Correct pronoun usage
apply
subjects
. Learning fine art
is very beneficial for every person which
Correct word choice
and
give
many useful information to humans. So Change the verb form
gives
kids
should often learn about it.Submitted by soglomovsarvar on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
To enhance the essay’s logical structure, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that there is a clear logical progression from one paragraph to the next. This can be achieved through improved topic sentences and transitions.
coherence cohesion
It's vital to have a distinct introduction and conclusion. In the introduction, clearly state your thesis and outline the main points to be discussed. In the conclusion, summarize your main arguments and restate your position. This will make your essay more comprehensive and engaging.
coherence cohesion
Back up your main points with detailed examples and explanations. While some general examples are provided, further elaboration on how these examples support your arguments will make your essay stronger.
task achievement
To enhance task achievement, ensure your essay completely addresses all parts of the prompt. While your essay touches on both questions, providing a more comprehensive exploration of each question, considering different perspectives, and articulating a strong personal stance would improve your score.
task achievement
Strive for clarity and depth in expressing ideas. Some arguments are presented but lack comprehensive development. Focus on deeply exploring a few key ideas rather than briefly mentioning several. This will demonstrate a strong understanding of the subject matter.
task achievement
Include more varied and specific examples to support your arguments. While personal anecdotes add a level of engagement, incorporating broader or more specific examples can provide stronger support for your points and demonstrate a wider understanding of the topic.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?