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Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Austraian men and women in different age group who did regular physical activity in 2009.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Austraian men and women in different age group who did regular physical activity in 2009.
#bar #percentage #austraian #men #women #age #group #activity
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The bar graph compares the proportion of
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 of different ages who lived in Australia and exercised regularly in 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, what stands out from the graph is that
generally
Add a comma
generally,
show examples
 the popularity of doing physical activities as a routine
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 higher among
women
Use synonyms
 in comparison with
men
Use synonyms
 in the studied year. As can be
seen
Add a comma
seen,
show examples
 the percentage of differences in
35
Correct article usage
the 35
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 to
44 year-old
Add a hyphen
44-year-old
show examples
 group between
men
Use synonyms
 and
wemon
Correct your spelling
women
 were the most, about 10%, the
figures
Fix the agreement mistake
figure
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 for
former
Correct article usage
the former
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 was 39.5%
while
Linking Words
 the latter was 52.5%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 who are 65 years old and over participated almost equally in physical exercises at 46.7% and 46.7% respectively.
Also
Linking Words
eviden
Correct your spelling
evident
evidence
 is the
solely
Change the adverb
sole
show examples
 age bracket that
men
Use synonyms
 were more
eagered
Correct your spelling
eager
 to work out than
women
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 the youngest group who were between 15 to 24 in which
men
Use synonyms
 formed 52.8 %. Another important fact is that with regard to
women
Use synonyms
 exercise
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 the most popular with
Correct determiner usage
those aged
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aged
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
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 45 to 54 at 53.3 ,
however
Linking Words
, the count for
Correct article usage
the eldest
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eldest
Correct article usage
the eldest
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 age bracket
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 47.1.
Submitted by shamim1999 on

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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