IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that governments must apply high taxes to provide good public services for everyone. Give your opinion

#people #governments #taxes #services
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Debates around appropriate
tax
rates
 have long been in existence.
While
 some people are of the opinion that higher
tax
rates
 are required for
governments
 to provide great public systems for
citizens
, others are of the opinion that higher
tax
rates
 do not equal great public
services
.
This
 essay will argue in favour of the former, that higher
tax
rates
 do indeed equate
better
Change preposition
to better
show examples
 public
services
,
although
 not all classes of individuals and companies should be taxed equally. Around the world,
citizens
 rely on the government for
services
 &
basic
Correct word choice
and basic
show examples
 infrastructure
such
 as roads, electricity, and health care systems. These
services
 are largely funded by taxes paid by individuals and corporate entities. As more monies are realised from taxes, the higher the chances of
governments
 improving
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the quality of
services
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can deliver. Multiple researches have shown that countries with high
tax
 regimes like Canada enjoy better quality and even more public
services
 than countries with low
tax
rates
 like India. Obviously, there is a direct correlation between
tax
rates
 and
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
 of public
services
.
However
, fairness should be exercised when applying taxation
rates
. Individuals and organisations should be taxed
according to
 their earnings, where higher earnings equal higher taxes and vice-versa.
High earning
Add a hyphen
High-earning
show examples
citizens
 and companies should be incentivised to counteract the chances of people losing motivation to work towards climbing the economic hierarchy.
For example
, Canada implements a tiered taxation system based on income classes and
also
 gives incentives
such
 as reduced interest
rates
 on loans to high earners.
To sum up
, if
tax
rates
 are too high, there may be negative consequences.
Thus
, care must be taken in formulating taxation systems that promote equity, justice and fairness.
This
 essay argued that high
tax
rates
 by
governments
 no doubt result in improved
services
 for its
citizens
 but the principle of fairness and equity should be considered when setting these
rates
. In my opinion, it is important that
governments
 find the right amount of
tax
 to institute per income class whilst deploying incentives so that it is fair for all.
Submitted by hueybakare on

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Task Achievement
To enhance your score in task achievement, make sure to elaborate on relevant, specific examples to support your points. While you provided a good amount of detail, incorporating more distinct examples, with concrete data or studies when possible, can further solidify your arguments and make them more compelling.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, aim to use a wider range of cohesive devices and ensure a smoother flow between sections. Although your essay is structured well, using varied transitions and structuring sentences differently can improve readability and the logical flow of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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