IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

The bar chart below demonstrates the percentage of male and female in different age groups who exercised regularly in 2010

#bar #percentage #age #groups
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The bar chart below demonstrates the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 in different age groups who exercised regularly in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
trend
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 shows that
man
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men
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 had more
percentage
Use synonyms
 of regular activity from 25 and over.
However
Linking Words
,
Add an article
the woman
a woman
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woman
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women
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 did more than
a
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apply
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half at the beginning of the age rate but the
trend
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 kept
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreasing
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 in the
followed
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following
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 ages. The
percentage
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 of the
trend
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 for
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 constituted slightly less than
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half from 15 to 24. From 25 to 34 the rates marginally increased but still did not reach
a
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apply
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half of
Use synonyms
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
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.
The
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In the
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 next three decades, there
were
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was
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
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stability, followed by a period
a
Correct your spelling
of
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 gradual decline. From 45 to 54
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 reached a peak of regular activity. In stark contrast,
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 hit a high of regular activity from 15 to 24.
However
Linking Words
,
later
Change preposition
in later
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 years the
trend
Use synonyms
 kept gradually declining.
Female
Fix the agreement mistake
Females
show examples
 hit a low of deplete from 35 to 44 and started gradually rising in the
followed
Replace the word
following
show examples
 ages.
Submitted by burtebaeva02 on

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Task Achievement
Provide a clear introduction, explaining what the bar chart shows, using specific details such as time, location, and subject. A concise conclusion summarizing the main trends or patterns observed also enhances clarity and structure.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples or data to support your analysis. Numbers or percentages can be explicitly mentioned to back up your statements about the trends or shifts in the data.
Coherence & Cohesion
Organize your essay more logically. Introduce each age group and gender comparison in separate paragraphs, starting with an overview and then detailing each specific group. This helps the reader follow your analysis more easily.
Coherence & Cohesion
Avoid vague language when describing trends. Use precise terms such as 'increased', 'decreased', 'peaked', 'dropped' etc., and try to quantify these changes wherever possible. This makes your description clearer and more impactful.
Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. These parts frame your analysis and provide a cohesive start and end to your essay, making it more reader-friendly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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