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The bar chart below demonstrates the percentage of male and female in different age groups who exercised regularly in 2010

#bar #percentage #age #groups
The bar chart below demonstrates the
percentage
 of
male
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males
show examples
 and
female
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females
show examples
 in different age groups who exercised regularly in 2010.
Overall
, the
trend
 shows that
man
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men
show examples
 had more
percentage
 of regular activity from 25 and over.
However
,
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the woman
a woman
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woman
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women
show examples
 did more than
a
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apply
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half at the beginning of the age rate but the
trend
 kept
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreasing
show examples
 in the
followed
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following
show examples
 ages. The
percentage
 of the
trend
 for
male
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males
show examples
 constituted slightly less than
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half from 15 to 24. From 25 to 34 the rates marginally increased but still did not reach
a
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apply
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half of
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
.
The
Change preposition
In the
show examples
 next three decades, there
were
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was
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
stability, followed by a period
a
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 gradual decline. From 45 to 54
male
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males
show examples
 reached a peak of regular activity. In stark contrast,
female
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females
show examples
 hit a high of regular activity from 15 to 24.
However
,
later
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in later
show examples
 years the
trend
 kept gradually declining.
Female
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Females
show examples
 hit a low of deplete from 35 to 44 and started gradually rising in the
followed
Replace the word
following
show examples
 ages.
Submitted by burtebaeva02 on

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Task Achievement
Provide a clear introduction, explaining what the bar chart shows, using specific details such as time, location, and subject. A concise conclusion summarizing the main trends or patterns observed also enhances clarity and structure.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples or data to support your analysis. Numbers or percentages can be explicitly mentioned to back up your statements about the trends or shifts in the data.
Coherence & Cohesion
Organize your essay more logically. Introduce each age group and gender comparison in separate paragraphs, starting with an overview and then detailing each specific group. This helps the reader follow your analysis more easily.
Coherence & Cohesion
Avoid vague language when describing trends. Use precise terms such as 'increased', 'decreased', 'peaked', 'dropped' etc., and try to quantify these changes wherever possible. This makes your description clearer and more impactful.
Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. These parts frame your analysis and provide a cohesive start and end to your essay, making it more reader-friendly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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