The bar chart below demonstrates the percentage of male and female in different age groups who exercised regularly in 2010

The bar chart below demonstrates the
percentage
of
male
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males
show examples
and
female
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females
show examples
in different age groups who exercised regularly in 2010.
Overall
, the
trend
shows that
man
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men
show examples
had more
percentage
of regular activity from 25 and over.
However
,
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the woman
a woman
show examples
woman
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women
show examples
did more than
a
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apply
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half at the beginning of the age rate but the
trend
kept
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreasing
show examples
in the
followed
Replace the word
following
show examples
ages. The
percentage
of the
trend
for
male
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males
show examples
constituted slightly less than
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half from 15 to 24. From 25 to 34 the rates marginally increased but still did not reach
a
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apply
show examples
half of
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
.
The
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In the
show examples
next three decades, there
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
stability, followed by a period
a
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
gradual decline. From 45 to 54
male
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males
show examples
reached a peak of regular activity. In stark contrast,
female
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females
show examples
hit a high of regular activity from 15 to 24.
However
,
later
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in later
show examples
years the
trend
kept gradually declining.
Female
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Females
show examples
hit a low of deplete from 35 to 44 and started gradually rising in the
followed
Replace the word
following
show examples
ages.
Submitted by burtebaeva02 on

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Task Achievement
Provide a clear introduction, explaining what the bar chart shows, using specific details such as time, location, and subject. A concise conclusion summarizing the main trends or patterns observed also enhances clarity and structure.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples or data to support your analysis. Numbers or percentages can be explicitly mentioned to back up your statements about the trends or shifts in the data.
Coherence & Cohesion
Organize your essay more logically. Introduce each age group and gender comparison in separate paragraphs, starting with an overview and then detailing each specific group. This helps the reader follow your analysis more easily.
Coherence & Cohesion
Avoid vague language when describing trends. Use precise terms such as 'increased', 'decreased', 'peaked', 'dropped' etc., and try to quantify these changes wherever possible. This makes your description clearer and more impactful.
Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. These parts frame your analysis and provide a cohesive start and end to your essay, making it more reader-friendly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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