IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

You have arranged to visit a friend in England but an important event at home now means that you must change the dates of the visit. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter • explain the important event • apologise for the situation • suggest a new arrangement

#visit #friend #england #event #home #change #dates #apologise #situation #arrangement
Dear Brandon, I wanted
visit
 to you in England
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 26th
September
 but I have an important event at home and my plan
visit
 changed because
27th
Change preposition
on 27th
show examples
September
 my mom's birthday, I need to be at home with my family and I
want
Add the particle
want to
show examples
 celebrate my mom's birthday with her,
this
 day very important for me. I would like to apologize to you for
this
 situation it is my fault, I forgot to tell you that 27th
September
my
Add a missing verb
is my
show examples
 mom's birthday,
Instead
, I told you that I wanted to
visit
 you in England
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 26th
September
.
However
, I will fix
this
 mistake and I have new plans maybe it will please you. I wish
visit
 to you
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 28th
September
 I already bought
ticket
Add an article
a ticket
the ticket
show examples
. I hope you
are understand
Change the verb form
understand
show examples
me
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
and I hope you
are accept
Change the verb form
accept
show examples
 my apologies.
Your
Correct the word
Yours
show examples
 Sincerely, David.
Submitted by ina1_95 on

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structure
Ensure that each paragraph contains one clear idea. For example, the first paragraph could solely introduce the reason for the letter, the second explain the event, the third apologize, and the fourth suggest new arrangements.
linking
Improve your letter's coherence by using more linking words and phrases between sentences and paragraphs, such as 'therefore', 'as a result', 'due to this', etc. This will make your letter flow better.
clarity
Be more direct and concise in your apologies and explanations. For instance, state clearly why you need to change your plans without unnecessary elaboration. This will help in making your letter more task-focused.
language
Use a range of sentence structures and vocabulary to demonstrate your language proficiency better. Try to avoid repetitions and simplistic expressions.
grammar
Check for grammatical errors and work on your punctuation. Correct use of commas, periods, and capital letters is crucial for clear communication.
tone
Improve your greeting and closing to make them more formal or personal depending on your relationship with the recipient. 'Your Sincerely' is a good closing, but ensure it matches the level of formality throughout your letter.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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