Children today play very violent games. This must be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most major cities of the world. What are your opinions on this?

#children #games #reason #violence #crime #cities #world

Nowadays, teenagers used to play violent

games

. Some people consider that

this

trend

encourage

Change the verb form

encourages

show examples

them to commit crimes

as well as

mimic

behaivours

Correct your spelling

behaviours

which they

saw

Wrong verb form

see

show examples

games

. In my opinion, these

sort

Fix the agreement mistake

sorts

show examples

of violent

games

can

affect increasing

Wrong verb form

increase

show examples

crime

Correct article usage

the crime

show examples

rate

Change preposition

among

show examples

children in the majority of cities,

however

this

is not enough to determine the reasons

crime

Change preposition

for crime

show examples

Change preposition

among

show examples

teenagers.

To begin

with, playing violent

game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

show examples

is clearly one of the reasons

Change preposition

for

show examples

misbehaviour. They not only shoot other players by using

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

guns but

use

Rephrase

also use

show examples

knife

Fix the agreement mistake

knives

show examples

to stab others.

Due to

their prematual mindset which

are

Change the verb form

show examples

not fully

setted

Correct your spelling

set

show examples

molar concept, they tend to confuse real life and

artificial

Correct article usage

the artificial

show examples

world and

this

confusion

make

Change the verb form

makes

show examples

teenagers have

Change the article

show examples

interest and motivation to do what they

saw

Wrong verb form

see

show examples

in the

games

in reality.

For example

, in New

york

Capitalize word

York

show examples

, a few

Change preposition

apply

show examples

students have an experience

about

Change preposition

show examples

threat

Add an article

the threat

show examples

stabing

Correct your spelling

stabbing

from

Change preposition

show examples

their

freinds

Correct your spelling

friends

While

there are a lot of reasons

about

Change preposition

for

show examples

teenager's

misconducts

Fix the agreement mistake

misconduct

show examples

, one of the biggest

reason

Fix the agreement mistake

reasons

show examples

is parent's indifference. The juveniles are becoming adult by educating

from

Change preposition

apply

show examples

their parents.

However

, in

contempary

Correct your spelling

contemporary

society, parents are busy

to work

Change the verb form

working

show examples

and it means that their children are neglected in their

house

Correct your spelling

homes

show examples

Moreover

this

social phenomenon makes children

Change the verb form

apply

show examples

play violent

games

without

parent

Replace the word

parental

show examples

care, which

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

mentioned in

second

Change the article

the second

show examples

pharagraph

Correct your spelling

paragraph

. In

conculsion

Correct your spelling

conclusion

, it is obvious that playing violent

game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

show examples

affects increasing

rate

Correct article usage

the rate

show examples

of juvenile crime,

however

, parent's indifference

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

more highly contributed to

this

kind of

crimes

Fix the agreement mistake

crime

show examples

Submitted by benheo5936 on Wed Feb 21 2024

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
44Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

244 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Children today play very violent games. This must be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most major cities of the world. What are your opinions on this?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In some countries, many people do not have enough money to access the internet. Should governments be responsible for ensuring that everyone can get access to the internet?

The number of older people is increasing. Some people think that this will cause problems in their countries; others believe this group is important to society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Many people argue that restaurants should be required to disclose the nutritional information of the dishes they serve. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

instead of requiring primary school students to do experiments themselves, schools should only alllow them to watch experiments demonstrated by teachers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?