Children today play very violent games. This must be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most major cities of the world. What are your opinions on this?

Nowadays, teenagers used to play violent

games

Use synonyms

. Some people consider that

this

Linking Words

trend

encourage

Change the verb form

encourages

show examples

them to commit crimes

as well as

Linking Words

mimic

behaivours

Correct your spelling

behaviours

which they

saw

Wrong verb form

see

show examples

games

Use synonyms

. In my opinion, these

sort

Fix the agreement mistake

sorts

show examples

of violent

games

Use synonyms

can

affect increasing

Wrong verb form

increase

show examples

crime

Correct article usage

the crime

show examples

rate

Change preposition

among

show examples

children in the majority of cities,

however

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

is not enough to determine the reasons

crime

Change preposition

for crime

show examples

Change preposition

among

show examples

teenagers.

To begin

Linking Words

with, playing violent

game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

show examples

is clearly one of the reasons

Change preposition

for

show examples

misbehaviour. They not only shoot other players by using

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

guns but

use

Rephrase

also use

show examples

knife

Fix the agreement mistake

knives

show examples

to stab others.

Due to

Linking Words

their prematual mindset which

are

Change the verb form

show examples

not fully

setted

Correct your spelling

set

show examples

molar concept, they tend to confuse real life and

artificial

Correct article usage

the artificial

show examples

world and

this

Linking Words

confusion

make

Change the verb form

makes

show examples

teenagers have

Change the article

show examples

interest and motivation to do what they

saw

Wrong verb form

see

show examples

in the

games

Use synonyms

in reality.

For example

Linking Words

, in New

york

Capitalize word

York

show examples

, a few

Change preposition

apply

show examples

students have an experience

about

Change preposition

show examples

threat

Add an article

the threat

show examples

stabing

Correct your spelling

stabbing

from

Change preposition

show examples

their

freinds

Correct your spelling

friends

While

Linking Words

there are a lot of reasons

about

Change preposition

for

show examples

teenager's

misconducts

Fix the agreement mistake

misconduct

show examples

, one of the biggest

reason

Fix the agreement mistake

reasons

show examples

is parent's indifference. The juveniles are becoming adult by educating

from

Change preposition

apply

show examples

their parents.

However

Linking Words

, in

contempary

Correct your spelling

contemporary

society, parents are busy

to work

Change the verb form

working

show examples

and it means that their children are neglected in their

house

Correct your spelling

homes

show examples

Moreover

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

social phenomenon makes children

Change the verb form

apply

show examples

play violent

games

Use synonyms

without

parent

Replace the word

parental

show examples

care, which

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

mentioned in

second

Change the article

the second

show examples

pharagraph

Correct your spelling

paragraph

. In

conculsion

Correct your spelling

conclusion

, it is obvious that playing violent

game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

show examples

affects increasing

rate

Correct article usage

the rate

show examples

of juvenile crime,

however

Linking Words

, parent's indifference

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

more highly contributed to

this

Linking Words

kind of

crimes

Fix the agreement mistake

crime

show examples

benheo5936

Feb 21, 2024

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Tone and Register

Focus on developing a more formal and academic tone by choosing appropriate vocabulary and avoiding conversational language or informal expressions.

Paragraph Structure

Work on structuring your paragraphs with a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details and examples. This structure will help to improve the logical flow and coherence of your essay.

Sentence Variety

Incorporate a wider range of sentence structures to demonstrate linguistic flexibility and complexity. Variation in sentence structure can add interest and sophistication to your writing.

Task Response Detailing

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Proofreading

Proofread your essay carefully to correct grammatical errors and enhance the overall clarity and professionalism of your writing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

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Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
44
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

244 words

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Children today play very violent games. This must be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most major cities of the world. What are your opinions on this?

governmnet should spend money to public services rather than arts and painting. do you agree or not?

People believe that they should be able to keep all the money they earn and should not pay tax to the state. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves?