IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying fulltime or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying fulltime or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#men #women #education #britain #three #periods #fulltime #summarise #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Looking at the bar chart , a piece of information about
male's
Change noun form
males
show examples
 and female's
involvment
Correct your spelling
involvement
 in
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
 process in
Britan
Correct your spelling
Britain
show examples
 can be observed. The statistics
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
 three different time frames and the difference between
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of people who
prefered
Correct your spelling
preferred
 part-time or full-time education.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the fact that full-time education was rarely elected by people in comparison with part-time ,is quite noticeable.
For example
Linking Words
 ,in 1970/71 1000
thousand
Use synonyms
 men
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 involved in part-time,
whereas
Linking Words
 the indicator for full-time was 10 times lower.
In addition
Linking Words
, when it comes to women
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 year ,it can be seen that their
digit
Fix the agreement mistake
digits
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 even half as much in full-time when compared to men.
However
Linking Words
, to 1990/91
idicators
Correct your spelling
indicators
 for both
gander
Correct your spelling
gender
show examples
 show
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 similar pattern,which riched the top of 200
thousand
Use synonyms
. Looking more closely,
chart
Add an article
the chart
show examples
 demonstrates that the number of male part-timers had a tendency to decline. In 1990/91 their digit was around 900
thousand
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 women's interest
growth
Replace the word
grew
show examples
 dramatically. From 700
thousand
Use synonyms
 in 1970/
71
Add a comma
71,
show examples
 it increased to 1100
thousand
Use synonyms
 in 1990/91.
Overall
Linking Words
, the chart depicts that involvement in
part-time
Add an article
the part-time
a part-time
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 was less popular among both genders throughout
Correct article usage
the 20-years
show examples
20-years
Correct your spelling
20-year
 time frame
Submitted by amina.ilyuk8 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words thousand with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: