Some people think it is a good thing for senior managers to have much higher salaries than the other workers in a company. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is a strong
believe
that Replace the word
belief
the
senior Correct article usage
apply
employees
should be paid higher wages than others. Despite, equality, and unbiased rewards, I agree with this
thought as seniority always come
with responsibility. Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
Following
paragraphs will summarize my point of view.
Predominantly and admittedly, senior Correct article usage
The following
employees
are accountable for all the challenges which a company
face
. To elaborate, when it Correct subject-verb agreement
faces
is come
to decision Change to the active voice
comes
has come
making
experienced Verb problem
apply
mangers
are Correct your spelling
managers
high
Change preposition
at high
on
risk for their job if their decisions do not work out and Change preposition
apply
company
Correct article usage
the company
have
any loss. Correct subject-verb agreement
has
Moreover
, companies rely on their senior employees
for the reputation of organization
and for Add an article
the organization
an organization
consumers
trust, Change noun form
consumers'
consumer's
in
Change preposition
apply
which
if they fail there is Correct pronoun usage
apply
high
Correct article usage
a high
possibilities
of penalties and might they Fix the agreement mistake
possibility
loss
their Replace the word
lose
job
. Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
For instance
, in 2016 there was a scam in Punjab National Bank,
when senior managers Remove the comma
apply
approve
Wrong verb form
approved
big
loan amount to Correct article usage
a big
specific
person without any security which Add an article
a specific
Wrong verb form
resulted
results
them Add the preposition
results in
results from
to be
fired Change the verb form
being
out of
Change preposition
from
company
.
Another pivotal aspect of Add an article
the company
this
agenda is,
experience, which is always indeed and comes after a lot of hard work, challenges and qualification. Remove the comma
apply
An experienced
Correct article usage
Experienced
mangers
know better Correct your spelling
managers
to
build a strong team and Rephrase
how to
relation
between teammates. A manager has to maintain a positive surrounding for Replace the word
relationship
employees
as well for
Correct word choice
as for
consumer
Fix the agreement mistake
consumers
while
achieving the company
goals. Thus
, a senior employee should be awarded with
higher wages, as they have to play multiple roles.
Remove the preposition
apply
To conclude
, though better wages should be given to all employees
, higher authorities should be rewarded with higher salary
for their experience and expertise.Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
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Task Achievement
Provide a clear thesis statement in your introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss. This helps to immediately set the direction of your essay.
Task Achievement
Use a wider variety of sentence structures to enhance clarity and demonstrate your language proficiency. Varied sentence structures can make your arguments more compelling.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph logically flows to the next. Use transitional phrases to improve the connection between paragraphs and within paragraphs for seamless reading.
Coherence and Cohesion
Introduce and conclude your essay with clear statements. Your conclusion should adequately summarize the main points made and reaffirm your thesis, without introducing new ideas.
Task Achievement
Support your main points with a broader range of examples. Examples help to illustrate your points and make your argument more convincing. Where possible, incorporate case studies or hypothetical scenarios that directly support your main ideas.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite