Some people think it is a good thing for senior managers to have much higher salaries than the other workers in a company. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is a strong
believe
Replace the word
belief
show examples
that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
senior
employees
should be paid higher wages than others. Despite, equality, and unbiased rewards, I agree with
this
thought as seniority always
come
Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
show examples
with responsibility.
Following
Correct article usage
The following
show examples
paragraphs will summarize my point of view. Predominantly and admittedly, senior
employees
are accountable for all the challenges which a
company
face
Correct subject-verb agreement
faces
show examples
. To elaborate, when it
is come
Change to the active voice
comes
has come
show examples
to decision
making
Verb problem
apply
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experienced
mangers
Correct your spelling
managers
show examples
are
high
Change preposition
at high
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
risk for their job if their decisions do not work out and
company
Correct article usage
the company
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
any loss.
Moreover
, companies rely on their senior
employees
for the reputation of
organization
Add an article
the organization
an organization
show examples
and for
consumers
Change noun form
consumers'
consumer's
show examples
trust,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
if they fail there is
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
possibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
possibility
show examples
of penalties and might they
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
.
For instance
, in 2016 there was a scam in Punjab National Bank
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
when senior managers
approve
Wrong verb form
approved
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big
Correct article usage
a big
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loan amount to
specific
Add an article
a specific
show examples
person without any security which
Wrong verb form
resulted
show examples
results
Add the preposition
results in
results from
show examples
them
to be
Change the verb form
being
show examples
fired
out of
Change preposition
from
show examples
company
Add an article
the company
show examples
. Another pivotal aspect of
this
agenda is
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
experience, which is always indeed and comes after a lot of hard work, challenges and qualification.
An experienced
Correct article usage
Experienced
show examples
mangers
Correct your spelling
managers
show examples
know better
to
Rephrase
how to
show examples
build a strong team and
relation
Replace the word
relationship
show examples
between teammates. A manager has to maintain a positive surrounding for
employees
as well
for
Correct word choice
as for
show examples
consumer
Fix the agreement mistake
consumers
show examples
while
achieving the
company
goals.
Thus
, a senior employee should be awarded
with
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
higher wages, as they have to play multiple roles.
To conclude
, though better wages should be given to all
employees
, higher authorities should be rewarded with higher
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
for their experience and expertise.
Submitted by pavithooda1 on

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Task Achievement
Provide a clear thesis statement in your introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss. This helps to immediately set the direction of your essay.
Task Achievement
Use a wider variety of sentence structures to enhance clarity and demonstrate your language proficiency. Varied sentence structures can make your arguments more compelling.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph logically flows to the next. Use transitional phrases to improve the connection between paragraphs and within paragraphs for seamless reading.
Coherence and Cohesion
Introduce and conclude your essay with clear statements. Your conclusion should adequately summarize the main points made and reaffirm your thesis, without introducing new ideas.
Task Achievement
Support your main points with a broader range of examples. Examples help to illustrate your points and make your argument more convincing. Where possible, incorporate case studies or hypothetical scenarios that directly support your main ideas.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • justification
  • experience
  • responsibility
  • high-stakes decisions
  • motivation
  • incentive
  • wage disparity
  • morale
  • meritocracy
  • performance
  • contributions
  • company finances
  • employee development
  • research
  • expansion
  • alternative compensation structures
  • performance-based bonuses
  • profit sharing
  • dissatisfaction
  • retention
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