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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Advances in computer technology allow young adults to work from home and children to study at home. Do you think this is a positive or negative change? Write at least 250 words.

#advances #computer #technology #adults #work #home #children #study #change
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Cutting-edge technologies in electronic devices,
such
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 as
computer
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computers
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, facilitate youth to telecommute and
students
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 to learn at home. From my perspective,
this
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 is a positive development, as advanced technologies can result in
time
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 management efficiency and enhance productivity. These advancements in
computer
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computers
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 provide flexibility for individuals in both work and learning environments, allowing them to tailor their schedules to fit
the
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their
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 needs.
For example
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, professionals can telecommute, eliminating the
time
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 to go to work and providing more
time
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 to do other tasks.
Similarly
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,
students
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 can
also
Linking Words
 access educational resources online at any
time
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, enabling them to study at their own pace and review materials as needed. They
also
Linking Words
 can conduct online learning with their peers using their
computers
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.
As a result
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, both young people and
students
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 can better manage their
time
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, advanced
computers
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 foster collaboration and communication among individual people, regardless of their physical location. With video conferencing and online collaboration tools, like Zoom and Google Meet Application, fellow young workers can work together easily, sharing ideas and completing projects effectively. Another example of
this
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 would be
about
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apply
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students
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 who tend to use their
computers
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 to hone their foreign language. They can meet native speakers from different countries remotely, leading to
be
Verb problem
becoming
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 fast learners. Not only
enhance
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enhances
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this
Linking Words
 productivity
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 promotes a sense of
connectednes
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connectedness
 among remote workers and
students
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. In conclusion, the proliferation of
the
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apply
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advanced
computers
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 has many merits since
it
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its
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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existance
Correct your spelling
existence
 is
as
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apply
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a bridge to
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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time
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 management efficiency and
boost
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boosts
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 productivity for both young people and
students
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.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, make sure you fully address all parts of the task. While you have given your opinion clearly and supported it with examples, adding more nuanced perspectives or potential drawbacks could provide a more balanced view.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, ensure your essay has a clear and logical structure. Using a range of linking words can improve the flow of your essay. Consider integrating more varied transitions between sentences and paragraphs to enhance readability.
task achievement
In terms of task response, while you have given relevant examples, you could expand on these by providing more detailed explanations of how technology specifically benefits time management and productivity. This will make your argument stronger and more persuasive.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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