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Band 4

some people think that zooes are cruel and should be close down others, however beleive that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals

#people #zooes #beleive #zoos #animals
sanctutary
Correct your spelling
sanctuary
remain
Correct subject-verb agreement
remains
show examples
more popular as
Correct article usage
an enterainment
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enterainment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
 place and place to learn about the different species
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all over the world.
Although
 few folks opine that zoos can be useful in protecting the life of forest
animals
.
However
 in my opinion
zooes
 are
themost
Correct your spelling
the most
 merciless and should be
shutdown
Correct your spelling
shut down
show examples
as soon as possible. on the one hand
animals
 in the wild are facing many problems by human beings
such
 as destruction of habitat,poaching and cutting down trees.
following
Capitalize word
Following
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 on from
this
 some people argue that
animals
saving
Wrong verb form
are saved
show examples
 by
bred
Add a missing verb
being bred
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 in captivity inside the
zooes
Correct your spelling
zones
zoo
zoos
. The reason is these caged
animals
 were
looking
Wrong verb form
looked
show examples
 after or
take
Wrong verb form
taken
show examples
 care
by
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of by
show examples
 trained staff and
verterinary
Correct your spelling
veterinary
surgeons.
for instance
, to support
this
 statement there is an
eample
Correct your spelling
example
such
 as with panda.In past years
panda
Fix the agreement mistake
pandas
show examples
 were extinct
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
any how
Correct your spelling
anyhow
show examples
 it is safe from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
danger by being kept and bred in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
zooes
Correct your spelling
zoo
zoos
zones
on the other hand
, there are some arguments
convey
Correct pronoun usage
that convey
show examples
 that numerous jungle
animals
caged
Add a missing verb
are caged
show examples
 for the purpose of entertainment and massive income
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
 to
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
frredom
Correct your spelling
freedom
from
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
for example
 in
wild
Correct article usage
the wild
show examples
 elephants can obtain huge
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
 and water that
provide
Wrong verb form
are provided
show examples
 by
zooes
Correct your spelling
zones
zoos
. In many
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
situation
Add a comma
situation,
show examples
 visitors of
zooes
Correct your spelling
zoos
zones
zooms
 are disturbing
animals
 by making them angry with their improper behaviour.
for
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 when
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
was visited
Change the verb form
have visited
show examples
 the dehiwala zoo,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 was able to watch
that small children
Change the determiner
that small child
those small children
show examples
 throwing
stons
Correct your spelling
stones
 inside the caged monkeys. In conclusion,
protection
Correct article usage
the protection
show examples
 of
animals
 is one of the major and prominent
part
Change to a plural noun
parts
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human but
this
is not be
Change the verb form
is not
show examples
 in the
sanctutary
Correct your spelling
sanctuary
 because
this
is not be
Change the verb form
is not
show examples
simar
Correct your spelling
similar
show examples
 to their habitat and they should be shut down.
Submitted by jayanthanpaul4 on

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Introduction and Conclusion
The essay presents views on both sides of the argument regarding the usefulness and cruelty of zoos. However, to enhance the clarity and persuasiveness of your argument, it's crucial to ensure that your introduction clearly outlines your stance. Furthermore, your conclusion should succinctly summarize the discussed points and reiterate your position. This will significantly improve the coherence of your essay.
Logical Structure
Your essay lacks a clear structure that logically progresses from one point to the next. To improve coherence, consider organizing your essay into well-defined paragraphs, each dedicated to a single main idea. Begin each paragraph with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting sentences that develop the idea further. This approach will enhance the logical flow and make your argument more compelling.
Grammar and Vocabulary
Your essay would benefit from a more varied and precise vocabulary, as well as attention to grammatical accuracy. Frequent spelling mistakes (e.g., 'sanctutary', 'zooes', 'frredom') and grammatical errors distract from your argument and can confuse the reader. Consider proofreading your essay and possibly practicing specific grammar and spelling exercises to refine your writing skills.
Relevant and Specific Examples
While you've attempted to provide examples to support your points, these examples lack specificity and compelling details. For example, when referencing the situation with pandas or the behavior of visitors at the Dehiwala zoo, providing more detailed evidence or statistics could strengthen your argument. Work on incorporating relevant, specific examples to support your claims more effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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