some people think that zooes are cruel and should be close down others, however beleive that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals

#people #zooes #beleive #zoos #animals

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

sanctutary

Correct your spelling

sanctuary

remain

Correct subject-verb agreement

remains

show examples

more popular as

Correct article usage

an enterainment

show examples

enterainment

Correct your spelling

entertainment

place and place to learn about the different species

Change preposition

apply

show examples

all over the world.

Although

Linking Words

few folks opine that zoos can be useful in protecting the life of forest

animals

Use synonyms

However

Linking Words

in my opinion

zooes

Use synonyms

are

themost

Correct your spelling

the most

merciless and should be

shutdown

Correct your spelling

shut down

show examples

as soon as possible. on the one hand

animals

Use synonyms

in the wild are facing many problems by human beings

such

Linking Words

as destruction of habitat,poaching and cutting down trees.

following

Capitalize word

Following

show examples

on from

this

Linking Words

some people argue that

animals

Use synonyms

saving

Wrong verb form

are saved

show examples

bred

Add a missing verb

being bred

show examples

in captivity inside the

Use synonyms

zooes

Correct your spelling

zones

zoo

zoos

. The reason is these caged

animals

Use synonyms

were

looking

Wrong verb form

looked

show examples

after or

take

Wrong verb form

taken

show examples

care

Change preposition

of by

show examples

trained staff and

verterinary

Correct your spelling

veterinary

surgeons.

for instance

Linking Words

, to support

this

Linking Words

statement there is an

eample

Correct your spelling

example

such

Linking Words

as with panda.In past years

panda

Fix the agreement mistake

pandas

show examples

were extinct

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

any how

Correct your spelling

anyhow

show examples

it is safe from

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

danger by being kept and bred in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

Use synonyms

zooes

Correct your spelling

zoo

zoos

zones

on the other hand

Linking Words

, there are some arguments

convey

Correct pronoun usage

that convey

show examples

that numerous jungle

animals

Use synonyms

caged

Add a missing verb

are caged

show examples

for the purpose of entertainment and massive income

Linking Words

this

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

lead

Correct subject-verb agreement

leads

show examples

animal

Fix the agreement mistake

animals

show examples

loss

Replace the word

lose

show examples

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

frredom

Correct your spelling

freedom

from

Change preposition

apply

show examples

them

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

for example

Linking Words

wild

Correct article usage

the wild

show examples

elephants can obtain huge

amount

Fix the agreement mistake

amounts

show examples

meal

Fix the agreement mistake

meals

show examples

and water that

provide

Wrong verb form

are provided

show examples

Use synonyms

zooes

Correct your spelling

zones

zoos

. In many

Fix the agreement mistake

situations

show examples

situation

Add a comma

situation,

show examples

visitors of

Use synonyms

zooes

Correct your spelling

zoos

zones

zooms

are disturbing

animals

Use synonyms

by making them angry with their improper behaviour.

for

Linking Words

instance

Add a comma

instance,

show examples

when

Change the capitalization

show examples

was visited

Change the verb form

have visited

show examples

the dehiwala zoo,

Change the capitalization

show examples

was able to watch

that small children

Change the determiner

that small child

those small children

show examples

throwing

stons

Correct your spelling

stones

inside the caged monkeys. In conclusion,

protection

Correct article usage

the protection

show examples

animals

Use synonyms

is one of the major and prominent

part

Change to a plural noun

parts

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

human but

this

Linking Words

is not be

Change the verb form

is not

show examples

in the

sanctutary

Correct your spelling

sanctuary

because

this

Linking Words

is not be

Change the verb form

is not

show examples

simar

Correct your spelling

similar

show examples

to their habitat and they should be shut down.

Submitted by jayanthanpaul4 on Thu Feb 22 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction and Conclusion

The essay presents views on both sides of the argument regarding the usefulness and cruelty of zoos. However, to enhance the clarity and persuasiveness of your argument, it's crucial to ensure that your introduction clearly outlines your stance. Furthermore, your conclusion should succinctly summarize the discussed points and reiterate your position. This will significantly improve the coherence of your essay.

Logical Structure

Your essay lacks a clear structure that logically progresses from one point to the next. To improve coherence, consider organizing your essay into well-defined paragraphs, each dedicated to a single main idea. Begin each paragraph with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting sentences that develop the idea further. This approach will enhance the logical flow and make your argument more compelling.

Grammar and Vocabulary

Your essay would benefit from a more varied and precise vocabulary, as well as attention to grammatical accuracy. Frequent spelling mistakes (e.g., 'sanctutary', 'zooes', 'frredom') and grammatical errors distract from your argument and can confuse the reader. Consider proofreading your essay and possibly practicing specific grammar and spelling exercises to refine your writing skills.

Relevant and Specific Examples

While you've attempted to provide examples to support your points, these examples lack specificity and compelling details. For example, when referencing the situation with pandas or the behavior of visitors at the Dehiwala zoo, providing more detailed evidence or statistics could strengthen your argument. Work on incorporating relevant, specific examples to support your claims more effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
53
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

270 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
In recent years, there has been a noticeable increase in the number of individuals discussing the importance of retaining trained professionals within their home countries. Some argue that requiring experts, such as doctors and engineers, to work where they trained is necessary, citing reasons such as national investment in education and the need for local expertise. Others assert that personal freedom and global mobility are more essential. From my perspective, while retaining skilled workers offers considerable advantages, it also presents challenges that must be carefully considered.
8
band
In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?
These days, every business is trying to promote their products by telling people that they are producing new items. But the question is whether this kind of development is helpful or not. Some people believe that trying to build newer things is a positive act. I am completely in favor of this idea and in this essay, I will support my opinion with examples.
6.5
band
It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?
Training children plays a vital role in society. It is believed that children should learn to differentiate between right and wrong from an early age. They should be disciplined if they do something wrong; as this method effectively teaches them to distinguish between good and evil deeds. In my opinion, this statement is true.
5
band
Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from government in order for them to continue with their work. To what extent do you agree?
The occupation of an artist is to practise or perform any of the creative arts, using the conscious use of skill and creative imagination. Despite being expressive through their talents, artists are not well-paid. Should there be any financial assistance from the governments? I am of the opinion that regulators ought to act as enablers rather than directly funding craftsmen to pursue their careers.
5
band
Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Children’s using smartphones habit is now one of the most controversial issues that people like to debate. I believe that drawbacks of using electronic device outweigh its benefits.

some people think that zooes are cruel and should be close down others, however beleive that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals

Fully explain your ideas

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from government in order for them to continue with their work. To what extent do you agree?

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?