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Writing Samples
Band 3

Some parents are worried about increasing levels of violence in TV,Video games and other entertainments for Children's leisure. how does this affects the children? how do you think this can be tackled?

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Introduction
Now days
Use synonyms
entertaiment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
 development is very massive
such
Linking Words
 as
TV
Use synonyms
,
Video
Use synonyms
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
, etc.
more
Capitalize word
More
show examples
 and more people
enjoying
Wrong verb form
enjoy
show examples
 that including
kids
Use synonyms
, they
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
usualy
Correct your spelling
usually
watching
Wrong verb form
watch
show examples
TV
Use synonyms
 and play
video
Use synonyms
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 free time. many
perents
Correct your spelling
parents
 started worried about that because
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 level of
violence
Use synonyms
is
Verb problem
had
show examples
escalate
Wrong verb form
escalated
show examples
. the brutality in the
Use synonyms
entertaiment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
 can influence
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 to do bad
things
Use synonyms
. To solve that problem, parents must monitor what their
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 do in
spare
Correct pronoun usage
their spare
show examples
 time.
Body paragraph 1
according to
Linking Words
 some research by
indonesian
Change the capitalization
Indonesian
show examples
 psychological
expert
Fix the agreement mistake
experts
show examples
, the
kids
Use synonyms
 will
be imitate
Change the verb form
imitate
show examples
 what they
wach
Correct your spelling
watch
 and listen
.
Change preposition
to.
show examples
 if they see and hear the
violence
Use synonyms
 from the
TV
Use synonyms
 program they watch or
video
Use synonyms
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 they play, that can
increse
Correct your spelling
increase
Correct article usage
the posibility
show examples
posibility
Correct your spelling
possibility
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
 some
things
Use synonyms
 similar to that.
to
Capitalize word
To
show examples
 tackle that, we must
selected
Change the verb form
select
show examples
 the
tv
Use synonyms
 program,
video
Use synonyms
 games, and other
Use synonyms
entertaiment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
 which dont have
violence
Use synonyms
 content in that.
Body paragraph 2
for some
Use synonyms
entertaiment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
 industries, they have been
lebeled
Correct your spelling
labelled
levelled
 their product with
kids
Use synonyms
 friendly
Use synonyms
label
Fix the agreement mistake
labels
show examples
. with that
label
Use synonyms
, they can ensure
if
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 the
Use synonyms
entertaiment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
 product
such
Linking Words
 as
TV
Use synonyms
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
 or
video
Use synonyms
 games is
save
Replace the word
safe
show examples
 for the
kids
Use synonyms
.
so
Capitalize word
So
show examples
 as
a
Correct pronoun usage
they a
show examples
oldster
Correct your spelling
older
show examples
, they must be
ansure
Correct your spelling
sure
 that their
kids
Use synonyms
 just consume
Use synonyms
entertaiment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
 with
kids
Use synonyms
 friendly
label
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
in
conclution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
perents
Correct your spelling
parents
 must
Wrong verb form
select
show examples
selected
Wrong verb form
select
show examples
coshing
Correct article usage
a coshing
show examples
Use synonyms
entertaiment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 with
kids
Use synonyms
friendly
Correct your spelling
kids-friendly
show examples
Use synonyms
Fix the agreement mistake
labels
show examples
label
Fix the agreement mistake
labels
show examples
 to
prevert
Correct your spelling
prevent
kids
Use synonyms
 from
Wrong verb form
seeing
show examples
see
Wrong verb form
seeing
show examples
 and
Wrong verb form
hearing
show examples
hear
Wrong verb form
hearing
show examples
violence
Use synonyms
conten
Correct your spelling
content
Change preposition
to
show examples
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
Use synonyms
entertaiment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
things
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 enjoy as
chlidrens
Correct your spelling
children
children's
leasure
Correct your spelling
leisure
. with that
parrent
Correct your spelling
parent
 can ovoid their
childrends
Correct your spelling
children
children's
 to copy
bruttaly
Correct your spelling
brutally
things
Use synonyms
 from that.

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task achievement
Consider structuring your essay with a clear introduction, including a thesis statement, followed by body paragraphs each focused on a single idea with appropriate examples, and concluding with a summary of your points and your opinion. This will help clarify your ideas and argument to the reader.
task achievement
Work on your essay planning by allotting time before writing to decide on your main points and how they relate to the question. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence, explaining how each point addresses the essay question.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to show the relationship between your ideas more clearly, improving the flow of your essay. Phrases such as 'Furthermore', 'However', 'As a result', and 'In contrast' can be very effective.
coherence cohesion
Proofread your essay to check for and correct grammar, spelling, and punctuation errors. Pay special attention to verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure to improve the readability and professionalism of your writing.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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