Some parents are worried about increasing levels of violence in TV,Video games and other entertainments for Children's leisure. how does this affects the children? how do you think this can be tackled?

#parents #levels #violence #tv #video #games #entertainments #children #leisure

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Now days

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entertaiment

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entertainment

development is very massive

such

Linking Words

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Video

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game

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games

show examples

, etc.

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and more people

enjoying

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enjoy

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that including

kids

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, they

are

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apply

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usualy

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usually

watching

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watch

show examples

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and play

video

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game

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games

show examples

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show examples

the

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their

show examples

free time. many

perents

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parents

started worried about that because

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the

show examples

level of

violence

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Verb problem

had

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escalate

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escalated

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. the brutality in the

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entertaiment

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entertainment

can influence

childrens

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children

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to do bad

things

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. To solve that problem, parents must monitor what their

childrens

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children

show examples

do in

spare

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their spare

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time.

according to

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some research by

indonesian

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Indonesian

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psychological

expert

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experts

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, the

kids

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will

be imitate

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imitate

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what they

wach

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watch

and listen

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to.

show examples

if they see and hear the

violence

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from the

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program they watch or

video

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game

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games

show examples

they play, that can

increse

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increase

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the posibility

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posibility

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possibility

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show examples

they

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them

show examples

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doing

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some

things

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similar to that.

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show examples

tackle that, we must

selected

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select

show examples

the

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program,

video

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games, and other

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entertaiment

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entertainment

which dont have

violence

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content in that. for some

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entertaiment

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entertainment

industries, they have been

lebeled

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labelled

levelled

their product with

kids

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friendly

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label

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labels

show examples

. with that

label

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, they can ensure

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that

show examples

the

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entertaiment

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entertainment

product

such

Linking Words

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program

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programs

show examples

video

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games is

save

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safe

show examples

for the

kids

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Capitalize word

show examples

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they a

show examples

oldster

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older

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, they must be

ansure

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sure

that their

kids

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just consume

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entertaiment

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entertainment

with

kids

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friendly

label

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. in

conclution

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conclusion

perents

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parents

must

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select

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selected

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select

show examples

coshing

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a coshing

show examples

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entertaiment

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entertainment

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products

show examples

product

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products

show examples

with

kids

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friendly

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kids-friendly

show examples

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Fix the agreement mistake

labels

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label

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labels

show examples

prevert

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prevent

kids

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from

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seeing

show examples

see

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seeing

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and

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hearing

show examples

hear

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hearing

show examples

violence

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conten

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content

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show examples

from

Change preposition

show examples

Use synonyms

entertaiment

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entertainment

things

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Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

their

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they

show examples

enjoy as

chlidrens

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children

children's

leasure

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leisure

. with that

parrent

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parent

can ovoid their

childrends

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children

children's

to copy

bruttaly

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brutally

things

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from that.

Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on Thu Feb 22 2024

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task achievement

Consider structuring your essay with a clear introduction, including a thesis statement, followed by body paragraphs each focused on a single idea with appropriate examples, and concluding with a summary of your points and your opinion. This will help clarify your ideas and argument to the reader.

task achievement

Work on your essay planning by allotting time before writing to decide on your main points and how they relate to the question. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence, explaining how each point addresses the essay question.

coherence cohesion

Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to show the relationship between your ideas more clearly, improving the flow of your essay. Phrases such as 'Furthermore', 'However', 'As a result', and 'In contrast' can be very effective.

coherence cohesion

Proofread your essay to check for and correct grammar, spelling, and punctuation errors. Pay special attention to verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure to improve the readability and professionalism of your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

2
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
7
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
72
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

238 words

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Some parents are worried about increasing levels of violence in TV,Video games and other entertainments for Children's leisure. how does this affects the children? how do you think this can be tackled?

Fully explain your ideas

as the world becomes technologically advanced, computers are replacing more and more jobs. Describe some job positions that may be lost because of computers, and disciss at least one problem that may result

Some people think that governments should provide subsidies to farmers to produce cheap healthy food. Others think that governments should tax companies producing unhealthy foods. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Many people are now opting to provide technology companies with their personal data in exchange for access to software. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or a negative developnment?

In the future, all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?