Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, there are various activities that students can do in their leisure time.
However
, some groups believe that parents should encourage their kids to
involve
Wrong verb form
be involved
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in
Correct article usage
the organization
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organization
Change noun form
organization's
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agenda.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
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others think it is paramount to let children choose their own hustles.
Firstly
,
in
Change preposition
at
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the
Correct article usage
a
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young age, they should be exposed
by
Change preposition
to
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various activities in order to enrich their soft skills and widen their perspectives. Some people think that it is easier to enrol in an association since it is structured and has a clear mission.
For instance
, there are several foundations that provide
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
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for pupils to contribute to poor families;
consequently
, their soft skills and empathy towards society are developed by joining organized programs.
On the other hand
, the fact is youngsters can decide which events they
keen
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are keen
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to join. There are
lot
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a lot
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of opportunities outside education institutions and they
allowed
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are allowed
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to explore different hustles.
For example
, many
of
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apply
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students who focus on academics as their dreams are being accepted to
ivy league
Correct your spelling
Ivy League
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schools. If they
only
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are only
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restricted to organization programs, they will not be able to reach their goals.
Thus
, it
does
Verb problem
is
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not necessary about the organizations, but it is more about how they explore their
potentials
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potential
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and
making
Wrong verb form
make
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decisions to undergo things that they
Add a missing verb
are interest
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interest
Replace the word
interested
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in. In conclusion, even though association groups provide considerate motions, there are other things that pupils can pursue, especially in academic fields.
Therefore
, I am firmly convinced that there are many opportunities that can enrich their skills and knowledge to become high-quality individuals.
Submitted by sidneynatasha16 on

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Introduction
Make sure your introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines your position. Avoid vague statements and directly address the topic.
Cohesion
Use a range of linking words effectively to create a cohesive argument, but be cautious of overusing them which could potentially disrupt the flow of your essay.
Cohesion
Organize your paragraphs clearly with one main idea per paragraph, supported by relevant examples or evidence, to strengthen your argument.
Conclusion
Ensure your conclusion summarizes your main points and reaffirms your position. Avoid introducing new ideas in the conclusion.
Supporting Details
Provide more specific examples and details to support your arguments. This makes your essay more convincing and engaging for the reader.
Tone
Maintain a formal tone throughout your essay. Avoid using informal language or slang.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • occupied
  • organized
  • group activities
  • benefits
  • social
  • teamwork skills
  • interpersonal skills
  • friendship
  • discipline
  • time management
  • interests
  • hobbies
  • independent play
  • creativity
  • problem-solving skills
  • self-reliance
  • explore
  • discover
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