Science tells us that some activities are good for our health, while some others are bad. Despite knowing that, millions of people all over the world continue with unhealthy activities. Why do you think this is the case and what might be done to change this?

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Nowadays, there is an increasing trend in unhealthy habits

likewise

Linking Words

unhealthy diet cycle. In my opinion,

this

Linking Words

is because people do not have enough

knowledge

Use synonyms

about healthy lifestyles;

therefore

Linking Words

, the government and other organizations play a pivotal role in educating society. One of the main reasons for

this

Linking Words

phenomenon is they have little

knowledge

Use synonyms

and awareness about their body states and how to maintain

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

Moreover

Linking Words

, it

worsen

Wrong verb form

is worsened

show examples

by fast food companies,

for instance

Linking Words

, as they always publish engaging advertisements and

branding

Wrong verb form

brand

show examples

themselves as a diet alternative.

However

Linking Words

, the majority of individuals

confuse

Wrong verb form

are confused

show examples

about what they

allow

Wrong verb form

are allowed

show examples

to eat.

In addition

Linking Words

, if one

want

Change the verb form

wants

show examples

to run a positive

lifestyles

Correct the article-noun agreement

lifestyle

show examples

, they will spend lots of money to buy healthier goods and to purchase gym

class

Fix the agreement mistake

classes

show examples

per month.

For example

Linking Words

, real foods are more expensive than ultra-process foods

likewise

Linking Words

nuggets.

Thus

Linking Words

, those aspects

are hindering

Wrong verb form

hinder

show examples

an individual

to have

Change preposition

from having

show examples

good habits.

However

Linking Words

, the solution for

this

Linking Words

is the government should establish a campaign to increase awareness to maintain their health. The best way to illustrate

this

Linking Words

is Indonesia has socialization programs to educate citizens about the decent amount of daily

nutritions

Fix the agreement mistake

nutrition

show examples

and vitamins; afterwards, people

understood

Wrong verb form

understand

show examples

how

many

Correct quantifier usage

much

show examples

sugar they can consume.

Secondly

Linking Words

, foundations and NGOs can

held

Change the verb form

hold

show examples

sport

Fix the agreement mistake

sports

show examples

events to enhance individuals' interest in exercising.

Hence

Linking Words

, if they gained the

knowledge

Use synonyms

and the facilitation to do

this

Linking Words

healthy lifestyle, they would have no

reasons

Fix the agreement mistake

reason

show examples

avoiding

Change the verb form

to avoid

show examples

this

Linking Words

again. In conclusion,

although

Linking Words

there are several obstacles in

this

Linking Words

trends

Fix the agreement mistake

trend

show examples

such

Linking Words

as financial aspects and lack of

knowledge

Use synonyms

, the

stake holders

Correct your spelling

stakeholders

show examples

can assist to enrich the quality of one's life.

sidneynatasha16Fri Feb 23 2024

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Task Achievement

To improve Task achievement, make sure you fully address all parts of the task. Expand your discussion to cover more depth on why people continue with unhealthy activities despite knowing the risks, and offer more diversified examples of solutions.

Coherence and Cohesion

For better Coherence and Cohesion, focus on linking your ideas more fluidly. Use a range of cohesive devices (e.g., consequently, in addition, therefore) appropriately and ensure paragraphs are logically connected to each other.

Language

To elevate your essay, pay attention to sentence structure and variety. Incorporating complex sentence structures and a wider range of vocabulary can make your writing more engaging and effective.

13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

266 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

addiction
dependency
peer pressure
social norms
mental health issues
binge eating
lack of access
long-term consequences
convenience
accessibility
public health campaigns
government regulations
taxes
dissuade
mental health care
supportive environment
community programs
wellness workshops

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Science tells us that some activities are good for our health, while some others are bad. Despite knowing that, millions of people all over the world continue with unhealthy activities. Why do you think this is the case and what might be done to change this?

Some people think it is better for a country’s economy for people to spend money while others believe it would be better for people to save money. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Environmental damage is a problem in most countries. What is the cause of this damage? What should be done about this problem?

Some people think that there could be more benefits to society if more people study business than history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people believe that mobile phones cause more harms than the benefits and that’s why mobile phones should be restricted? To what extent do you agree or disagree?