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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph shows information about the average number of visitors entering a museum in summer and winter in 2003. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make a comparison where relevant.

The graph shows information about the average number of visitors entering a museum in summer and winter in 2003. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make a comparison where relevant.
#information #visitors #museum #summer #winter #features #comparison
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The line chart
ilustrates
Correct your spelling
illustrates
 the information regarding
average
Change the article
an average
the average
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
visiting
Wrong verb form
visited
show examples
Use synonyms
Add an article
the museum
a museum
show examples
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
 in
summer
Use synonyms
 and
winter
Use synonyms
 in 2003.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that both
summer
Use synonyms
 and
winter
Use synonyms
 reached the highest
number
Use synonyms
1100
Change preposition
of 1100
show examples
. The
number
Use synonyms
 of visitors
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
entering museums has similar trends both in
summer
Use synonyms
 and
winter
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, amount of visitors in
Use synonyms
summer
Correct article usage
the summer
show examples
periode
Correct your spelling
period
 dramatically increased
until
Change preposition
to
show examples
 1000.
Then
Linking Words
, it peaked
of
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the highest
number
Use synonyms
 at 1100, namely over 1400
people
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
 in
winter
Use synonyms
,
sum
Add an article
the sum
a sum
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 to
Use synonyms
Add an article
the museum
show examples
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
also
Linking Words
 gradually gained
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 1000.
Next,
Linking Words
there is a fluctuation in
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
indviduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 that
visiting
Wrong verb form
visit
show examples
Use synonyms
Add an article
the museum
show examples
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
 from 1000 to 1100.
However
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
winter
Correct article usage
the winter
show examples
 period attained the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
 time as
Use synonyms
summer
Correct article usage
the summer
show examples
 period, namely in 1100. After that, in
Use synonyms
summer
Correct article usage
the summer
show examples
 season amount of
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 that
see
Change the verb form
sees
show examples
 antique
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 gradually decreased until
Linking Words
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the end of
period
Add an article
the period
show examples
. Meanwhile, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
vistors
Correct your spelling
visitors
 in
Use synonyms
winter
Correct article usage
the winter
show examples
 season significantly declined until 1400.
However
Linking Words
, from
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
 1400 to
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
 1700 there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 no longer
visitor
Fix the agreement mistake
visitors
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are interested
to come
Verb problem
apply
show examples
in antique sites as
Use synonyms
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
winter
Add an article
the winter
show examples
 season.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, people, museum, summer, winter with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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