The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

Since the beginning of mankind, there is evidence that
men
used to find food for the family
while
women
took
care
of the
children
.
Therefore
, through
evolution
Add a comma
evolution,
show examples
men
got strong enough to fight,
face
Correct word choice
and face
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
different
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
of situations
while
women
became emotionally strong
to
Rephrase
enough to
show examples
tackle family problems and
taking
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
care
of
children
.
Hence
, most people believe that taking
care
of
children
and household situations
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
entirely up to
women
. But the world has changed so fast over
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
two decades and
women
have started to earn like
men
.
Thus
, if a
child
of a working
mother
starts to struggle with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life, the public does not hesitate to blame the
mother
for that.
However
, I strongly disagree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
the fact that
children
are entirely
women
’s responsibility. In
this
essay, I will discuss
further
about my opinion. In today’s world, even though,
men
work as hard as they can it is not enough for a family to function since the needs have risen with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
globalization. Even, basic needs like medications have become very expensive with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
.
Therefore
, working
women
are
timely
Add an article
a timely
show examples
requirement. And, it is not like
good
Correct article usage
the good
show examples
old days when people used to hunt and wear leaves. These days people must earn money to buy all those things.
Consequently
,
women
feel the difficulty
to request
Change preposition
of requesting
show examples
money from
men
every
time
they need something.
Thus
,
women
have chosen to work for
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
requirements which I think is the right thing to do.
Although
, at
first,
men
were against the idea of working
women
, now the public has understood that it is helpful to maintain a family.
Accordingly
, I believe that if
women
help to earn,
men
should help
women
to take
care
of
children
because they are not purely
women
’s responsibility. I agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
the fact that
children
can have so many problems since their
parents
are not with them.
For example
, I had both my
parents
with me
while
growing up
therefore
, I had the smoothest childhood since I had listeners whenever I had a problem. I think even though
mother
Add an article
the mother
show examples
will not be able to be with the
child
all the
time
,
children
will not face juvenile delinquency if both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
parents
can spend their leisure
time
with the
child
, doing something the
child
likes.
To conclude
,
although
, I agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
the fact that
children
can experience bad situations
due to
unavailability
Correct article usage
the unavailability
show examples
of listeners, I think it is not purely up to the
mother
. Father has a responsibility too.
Children
can have a better life if both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents
take obligation for their
descendents
Correct your spelling
descendants
.
Submitted by g.chamodi94 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
For task achievement, ensure your essay directly addresses all parts of the task statement. While you've made an effort to discuss the role of both parents in the upbringing of children, incorporating specific examples and further elaborating on how societal changes impact child-rearing would strengthen your argument.
Coherence Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to strengthen the connections between your ideas. This will make your essay more cohesive and easier to follow.
Coherence Cohesion
Regarding coherence and cohesion, work on developing your main points with more detailed examples and explanations. While your essay has a logical structure, further elaboration on your points with specific examples will make your arguments more persuasive and your essay more cohesive.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • evolution
  • domestic roles
  • diverse professional engagements
  • dual-working parents
  • family dynamics
  • juvenile delinquency
  • societal and economic factors
  • dual-income households
  • childcare methods
  • community support systems
  • gender roles
  • family responsibilities
  • professional aspirations
  • development needs
  • correlation
  • simplistic causation
  • workplace policies
  • flexible hours
  • parental leave
  • gender equality
  • role models
  • successful womanhood
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!