The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.
Since the beginning of mankind, there is evidence that
men
used to find food for the family while
women
took care
of the children
. Therefore
, through evolution
Add a comma
evolution,
men
got strong enough to fight, face
Correct word choice
and face
to
different Change preposition
apply
kind
of situations Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
while
women
became emotionally strong to
tackle family problems and Rephrase
enough to
taking
Wrong verb form
take
care
of children
. Hence
, most people believe that taking care
of children
and household situations are
entirely up to Correct subject-verb agreement
is
women
. But the world has changed so fast over last
two decades and Correct article usage
the last
women
have started to earn like men
. Thus
, if a child
of a working mother
starts to struggle with the
life, the public does not hesitate to blame the Correct article usage
apply
mother
for that. However
, I strongly disagree to
the fact that Change preposition
with
children
are entirely women
’s responsibility. In this
essay, I will discuss further
about my opinion.
In today’s world, even though, men
work as hard as they can it is not enough for a family to function since the needs have risen with the
globalization. Even, basic needs like medications have become very expensive with Correct article usage
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
time
. Therefore
, working women
are timely
requirement. And, it is not like Add an article
a timely
good
old days when people used to hunt and wear leaves. These days people must earn money to buy all those things. Correct article usage
the good
Consequently
, women
feel the difficulty to request
money from Change preposition
of requesting
men
every time
they need something. Thus
, women
have chosen to work for they
requirements which I think is the right thing to do.
Correct pronoun usage
their
Although
, at first,
men
were against the idea of working women
, now the public has understood that it is helpful to maintain a family. Accordingly
, I believe that if women
help to earn, men
should help women
to take care
of children
because they are not purely women
’s responsibility. I agree to
the fact that Change preposition
with
children
can have so many problems since their parents
are not with them. For example
, I had both my parents
with me while
growing up therefore
, I had the smoothest childhood since I had listeners whenever I had a problem. I think even though mother
will not be able to be with the Add an article
the mother
child
all the time
, children
will not face juvenile delinquency if both of
Change preposition
apply
parents
can spend their leisure time
with the child
, doing something the child
likes.
To conclude
, although
, I agree to
the fact that Change preposition
with
children
can experience bad situations due to
unavailability
of listeners, I think it is not purely up to the Correct article usage
the unavailability
mother
. Father has a responsibility too. Children
can have a better life if both the
Correct article usage
apply
parents
take obligation for their descendents
.Correct your spelling
descendants
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Task Achievement
For task achievement, ensure your essay directly addresses all parts of the task statement. While you've made an effort to discuss the role of both parents in the upbringing of children, incorporating specific examples and further elaborating on how societal changes impact child-rearing would strengthen your argument.
Coherence
Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to strengthen the connections between your ideas. This will make your essay more cohesive and easier to follow.
Coherence Cohesion
Regarding coherence and cohesion, work on developing your main points with more detailed examples and explanations. While your essay has a logical structure, further elaboration on your points with specific examples will make your arguments more persuasive and your essay more cohesive.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.