IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The line graph illustrates the trends of 4 Brighton attractions that tourists travelled from 1980 to 2010. As a general
trend
Use synonyms
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the Festival had the highest proportions in 1980,
while
Linking Words
 the
Pavilion
Use synonyms
 had the most in 2010. Looking more closely at the data, in 1980,the
Pavilion
Use synonyms
 had 25%
travellers
Change preposition
of travellers
show examples
,but
following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
,there was a high rocket to a peak of almost 50% in 1995.
However
Linking Words
,in 2000,the tourists of
Pavilion
Use synonyms
 declined sharply to 35% in 2000.
Finally
Linking Words
 ,there was
then
Linking Words
 a slight decrease to 30% in 2010. Showing a completely different
trend
Use synonyms
,the number of visitors
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the Art Gallery was
22
Correct your spelling
22 in
%in
Use synonyms
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
1980,before a dramatic fluctuation to 20 % between 1980 and 1995.
After
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, there was a minimal climb to 22% in 1995,and from
then
Linking Words
 on,there was a gradual drop to 8% in 2010.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,the tourism of the Festival was a steady
trend
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 time period,in 1980,the percentage was 30%
while
Linking Words
 it had 27
%in
Use synonyms
 2010. Showing a similar
trend
Use synonyms
,the pier had 10
%in
Use synonyms
 1980,there was
then
Linking Words
 a gradual fluctuation between 1980 and 2000.
However
Linking Words
,the
trend
Use synonyms
 rose sharply to 22
%in
Use synonyms
 2010. In sum,
although
Linking Words
 the festival was the most popular attraction in 1980,the
Pavilion
Use synonyms
 was higher than in 2010.
Submitted by stellachen28577 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words trend, pavilion, %in with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradual" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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