IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that strict punishment for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however ,believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both view ad give your own opinion.

Nowadays
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traffic
Use synonyms
accidents
Use synonyms
 are one of
Add an article
the problem
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 facing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society,
while
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that strict
punishment
Use synonyms
 for driving will be good
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 reducing
traffic
Use synonyms
accidents
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, another
think
Correct your spelling
thing
show examples
 will be better
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 improving road
safety
Use synonyms
. I think that
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these views are valid and will help
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 reducing
traffic
Use synonyms
accidents
Use synonyms
. Most
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strict
punishment
Use synonyms
 for driving offences
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 the key to reducing
traffic
Use synonyms
accidents
Use synonyms
 as when
apply
Change the verb form
applying
show examples
 that,
people
Use synonyms
 will take more serious
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traffic
Use synonyms
 laws.
For example
Linking Words
, countries
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 the
punishment
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 driving show reduce
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
traffic
Use synonyms
accidents
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the income that
come
Change the verb form
comes
show examples
 from
traffic
Use synonyms
 violations will help the governments to
improving
Change the verb form
improve
show examples
road
Fix the agreement mistake
roads
show examples
 and the damages that happen because of
accidents
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, the governments can use money
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
traffic
Use synonyms
 violations to install more cameras on the
roads
Use synonyms
 to control more effectively.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, some
people
Use synonyms
 consider improving
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
roads
Change the noun form
road
show examples
safety
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
to be
show examples
 more effective as it will improve
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
 of
roads
Use synonyms
 and make the
roads
Use synonyms
more
Correct word choice
safer
show examples
safety
Use synonyms
 for drivers.
Moreover
Linking Words
, when applying more
safety
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
roads
Use synonyms
 will impact
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the ways that
people
Use synonyms
driving
Wrong verb form
drive
show examples
 cars and decrease
traffic
Use synonyms
accidents
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, the new
roads
Use synonyms
 will very
develop
Wrong verb form
developed
show examples
 technology show very few
accidents
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
of create
Change preposition
to creating
show examples
Use synonyms
safety
Replace the word
safe
show examples
roads
Use synonyms
, should
training
Wrong verb form
train
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who drive
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
safe
Correct article usage
a safe
show examples
 way and
be
Verb problem
pay
show examples
 attention
about
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the road’s directions. In conclusion, I believe that should be very struck to reducing
traffic
Use synonyms
accidents
Use synonyms
 as
its
Correct your spelling
it is
show examples
 one of
very
Add an article
the very
a very
show examples
 sensitive
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 society. When applying both strict
punishment
Use synonyms
 and
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
Use synonyms
roads
Change the noun form
road
show examples
safety
Use synonyms
 will
hope
Add the particle
hope to
show examples
 reduce the impact of
accidents
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Work on developing more precise and clearer main points. Your essay tends to generalize instead of focusing on specific arguments. Try to divide your paragraphs more clearly according to each view and your own opinion.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to support your arguments. The use of vague instances makes it difficult for the reader to fully grasp your points. Providing concrete examples will strengthen your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Improve your essay's organization by clearly separating your ideas into distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences. This will help readers follow your arguments more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words to better connect your ideas and paragraphs. This will improve the flow of your essay and make it more cohesive.
coherence and cohesion
Revise your essay for grammatical accuracy and spelling. Errors in grammar and spelling can distract from your message and reduce the clarity of your argument.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: