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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, many families have both parents working. Some working parents believe that other family members like grandparents can take care of their children, while others think childcare centers can provide the best care. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#families #parents #members #grandparents #care #children #childcare #centers
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In the 21st century, dual-income families revel in
a
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apply
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better financial hold and are likely to undergo less monetary stress. The question arises who should take responsibility for their
children
.
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?
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 Some people believe that the
children
 should be taken
care
 of by other family members.
However
, other people think that
child
Correct your spelling
childcare
show examples
care
 can provide the best
care
 for their
children
.
This
 essay will discuss both points of view and give a viewpoint.
Firstly
,
children
 being taken
care
 of by
grandparents
 or the rest of the family members has both ups and downs to a certain extent. In terms of goodness, having a guardian as a blood relative can be the best option for looking after
children
.
For example
,
grandparents
 are willing to establish a strong bond with their grandchild and they always try to be nice to them by fulfilling the wishes of a grandchild.
Moreover
, the
grandparents
 are
so
Rephrase
very
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 experienced in raising the
child
 which can be beneficial for the parents
for focusing
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to focus
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 more on their respective careers.
Similarly
, sending
children
 to a well-known
child
Correct your spelling
childcare
show examples
care
center
Change the spelling
centre
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 is
also
 a good option for parents who have nuclear families where
grandparents
 are not there.
For instance
,
child
care
 centers are well organized and well maintained and the employees are fully trained as it is an occupation for them and they know what is right and wrong for the
child
.
However
, the
child
 can be beneficial at a
care
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 where physical l development is
also
 taken into consideration.
Furthermore
, the
children
 will be able to face the world by interacting with other humans.
To conclude
, in
this
 competitive world if
the
Correct article usage
apply
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children
 are exposed to
face
Verb problem
apply
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the world by
child
care
center
Fix the agreement mistake
centers
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then
 I strongly believe that it is the best option.
Submitted by alperenyakut on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph serves a distinct purpose, with one focused on discussing each viewpoint and another on your own opinion. Clearer separations and transitions can enhance logical structure.
coherence cohesion
Expand on your examples by providing more detailed and specific scenarios or data to support your arguments. This will strengthen the support of your main points and make your essay more convincing.
task achievement
While you have addressed the task by discussing both views and giving your opinion, consider developing your conclusion further. Restate your main arguments briefly and clearly explain why you favor one over the other, providing a more satisfying closure.
task achievement
To provide a more balanced comparison of the views, include potential downsides or challenges associated with your preferred option. This shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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