The use of social media is replacing face-to-face interaction among many people in society. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Over the past few years,the proportion of
people
using social media has become very commonplace.In the past,it was impossible to navigate the route in the artificial reality,and see friends in the different places,these inventions made a huge contribution to the community.In my opinion, it also
has some drawbacks as I will discuss both sides in the following essay.
There is no doubt that nowadays society is more inclined to use smartphones for commuting or even making friends,
because Remove the comma
apply
this
is a convenient way to meet other people
in a short time. For example
,everyone has a communication appliance on their smartphone,then
they can make a phone call or even video call to each other. The benefits of this
are they don’t have to pay the telephone fee,people
can talk as long as they can online,anywhere and anytime.Furthermore
,another benefit of this
technology also
can help businesses,staff could have an online meeting instead
of a real agenda.
Nevertheless
,although
this
has many benefits, technology could have some drawbacks.One of the causes of this
problem is,Correct article usage
that
Correct determiner usage
that
the
social media can not just gather Correct your spelling
that
people
with their friends and families,Correct word choice
but
which
Correct word choice
but
also
can pair
strangers online. Especially on dating apps,there are lots of dangers inside.Wrong verb form
pairs
For instance
,people
can create their identity by using filters,then
sometimes people
will cheat or even lose their money,the pros outweigh the cons.
In conclusion, technology is not perfect now, we should be concerned about the occasions,provided people
can use social media in the proper ways,it could reduce the burden on people
and make a safer society.Submitted by stellachen28577 on
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coherence cohesion
Provide a more effective introduction by clearly stating your thesis and overviewing the main points you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical flow between paragraphs with more explicit transition phrases that guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Support your points with more specific examples and evidence. Use real-world instances or hypothetical situations to illustrate your claims.
task achievement
Balance the discussion by elaborating on both advantages and disadvantages evenly. Ensure each side is thoroughly explored to fully respond to the task.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure and vary your sentence types to enhance readability and engagement.
task achievement
Clear up ambiguities and general statements by providing concrete details. This makes your essay more compelling and persuasive.
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