IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The government should ban smoking in all public places, even though this would restrict some other people's freedoms. Do you agree or disagree?

#government #ban #places #people #freedoms
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Smoking is one of the major problems facing
peopleand
Correct your spelling
people and
 governments around the world. Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that the should government be stuck to ban smoking in all public
Use synonyms
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
, even if that will conflict with the freedom of individuals. I would agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, the government should control smoking inside public
Use synonyms
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
. On one hand, smoking
Use synonyms
impact
Change the verb form
impacts
show examples
 the health of many
people
Use synonyms
 around the world, In that, the
impact
Use synonyms
 will affect
people
Use synonyms
 who do not
smoke
Use synonyms
 because sites near smokers person,
that is
Linking Words
 why governments should ban smoking in public
Use synonyms
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 to save
people
Use synonyms
 from smoking and reduce smoking in the total.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
public
Add an article
a public
show examples
place
Use synonyms
 is used by all segments of society, when young
people
Use synonyms
 see other
peopl
Correct your spelling
people
smoking may be affected by smoking person and think of trying to
smoke
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, by ban smoking in public
Use synonyms
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 will make
Use synonyms
place
Add an article
the place
show examples
 clean and air fresh what will Which reflects on the beauty of the
place
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are several issues that may affect the smoking person and restrict
people
Use synonyms
's freedoms.
People
Use synonyms
 have the right to do whatever want without
Use synonyms
impact
Add an article
the impact
show examples
 of
freedoms
Fix the agreement mistake
freedom
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, public
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
place
Use synonyms
 normally will be open
Use synonyms
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 so the
impact
Use synonyms
 of smoking on other
people
Use synonyms
 there will be much less dependent on the air of
smoke
Use synonyms
 will not remain in the
area
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 public park is a big
area
Use synonyms
 where can
people
Use synonyms
smoke
Use synonyms
 in a specific
area
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I believe in the freedom of
people
Use synonyms
 choose to
want
Correct your spelling
what
show examples
 to do, but should governments play an important role in controlling smoking in public places
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
Submitted by Abdullah on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on expanding and diversifying your sentence structures for enhanced clarity and sophistication.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion. Each of these sections should definitively state your position on the topic and summarize your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points more fully with detailed examples or evidence to support your arguments. This will enhance the persuasive power of your essay.
task achievement
Strive for a complete response to the task by directly addressing all parts of the prompt. Clearly state your opinion and make sure your essay reflects a comprehensive understanding of the issue.
task achievement
Improve the clarity and comprehensibility of your ideas by organizing them more logically. This can be achieved by introducing each paragraph with a topic sentence, followed by supporting details.
task achievement
Incorporate relevant and specific examples to support your points. This will enhance the credibility and depth of your response.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: