IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The government should ban smoking in all public places, even though this would restrict some other people's freedoms. Do you agree or disagree?

#government #ban #places #people #freedoms
Smoking is one of the major problems facing
peopleand
Correct your spelling
people and
 governments around the world. Some
people
 think that the should government be stuck to ban smoking in all public
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
, even if that will conflict with the freedom of individuals. I would agree with
this
 statement, the government should control smoking inside public
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
. On one hand, smoking
impact
Change the verb form
impacts
show examples
 the health of many
people
 around the world, In that, the
impact
 will affect
people
 who do not
smoke
 because sites near smokers person,
that is
 why governments should ban smoking in public
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 to save
people
 from smoking and reduce smoking in the total.
Furthermore
,
public
Add an article
a public
show examples
place
 is used by all segments of society, when young
people
 see other
peopl
Correct your spelling
people
smoking may be affected by smoking person and think of trying to
smoke
.
In addition
, by ban smoking in public
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 will make
place
Add an article
the place
show examples
 clean and air fresh what will Which reflects on the beauty of the
place
.
On the other hand
, there are several issues that may affect the smoking person and restrict
people
's freedoms.
People
 have the right to do whatever want without
impact
Add an article
the impact
show examples
 of
freedoms
Fix the agreement mistake
freedom
show examples
.
In addition
, public
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
place
 normally will be open
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 so the
impact
 of smoking on other
people
 there will be much less dependent on the air of
smoke
 will not remain in the
area
.
For example
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 public park is a big
area
 where can
people
smoke
 in a specific
area
.
To conclude
, I believe in the freedom of
people
 choose to
want
Correct your spelling
what
show examples
 to do, but should governments play an important role in controlling smoking in public places
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
Submitted by Abdullah on

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coherence cohesion
Work on expanding and diversifying your sentence structures for enhanced clarity and sophistication.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion. Each of these sections should definitively state your position on the topic and summarize your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points more fully with detailed examples or evidence to support your arguments. This will enhance the persuasive power of your essay.
task achievement
Strive for a complete response to the task by directly addressing all parts of the prompt. Clearly state your opinion and make sure your essay reflects a comprehensive understanding of the issue.
task achievement
Improve the clarity and comprehensibility of your ideas by organizing them more logically. This can be achieved by introducing each paragraph with a topic sentence, followed by supporting details.
task achievement
Incorporate relevant and specific examples to support your points. This will enhance the credibility and depth of your response.
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