Some people think that it would be better for companies to take care of their employees’ health. Others believe that companies should spend money on other aspects of work, such as salary increases, bonuses and extra time off. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
#people #companies #care #employees’ #health #money #aspects #work #salary #increases #bonuses #time
There is debate regarding the investment
that is
best for businesses. Whereas
, proponents argue that companies
should take care of staff's welfare, opponents consider that it can be more profitable for companies
to allocate money
to other sectors. In my personal view, investments in other aspects of work are more of paramount importance than spending on worker's health
.
On the one hand, one of the best reasons why some people think that companies
should invest in employees' health
is to enhance productivity. If businesses spend money
on each member of the team to keep them healthy, they will endeavor
effectively, on the grounds that, thanks to being healthy, their mental and physical situation Change the spelling
endeavour
remain
stable, in Change the verb form
remains
this
case, in future, they will not have any chronic problems. In addition
, this
can encourage the people to join the staff. Thus
, the number of workers in a company will increase and the company turn into a conglomerate.
On the other hand
, some individuals believe that the companies
make more profit,
if they allocate Remove the comma
apply
money
to other aspects of works
. Surging salaries can be Fix the agreement mistake
work
a
incentive for employees to work harder and harder. To be more specific, people who earn Change the article
an
the
considerable amount of Correct article usage
a
money
have strong discipline, and they never give up when having competitive
salary. Add an article
a competitive
Additionally
, staff'
Change noun form
staff's
health
is their personal problem, the companies
should not take care their
Change preposition
of their
health
.
To sum up
, there is
some beneficial aspects, and Correct subject-verb agreement
are
also
potential drawbacks. In my opinion, spending money
on other items is more advantageous for companies
.Submitted by writingbhos on
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task achievement
Your essay discusses both views and provides an opinion, which is good. However, it lacks detailed examples to support arguments. To improve, try to include specific, real-life examples or statistics to make your points more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction could be more engaging by offering a brief insight into why this debate is significant or presenting a rhetorical question. Additionally, ensure that your conclusion summarizes the main points more effectively and restates your opinion clearly.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, improve transitions between paragraphs and within them. Use a variety of transitional phrases to guide the reader through your arguments seamlessly.
task achievement
While your essay presents arguments for both sides, it could benefit from a more balanced discussion. Ensure that each view is explored with equal depth and consideration.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.