Some people think that it would be better for companies to take care of their employees’ health. Others believe that companies should spend money on other aspects of work, such as salary increases, bonuses, and extra time off. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
#people #companies #care #employees’ #health #money #aspects #work #salary #increases #bonuses #time
It is considered by some individuals it would be better for businesses to pay attention
of
their workers' health. Change preposition
to
However
, others, including myself, claim that money is spent on other things, such
as income increases, bonuses, and spare time
by corporations.
On the one hand, the numbers of people who are obesity
, increase day by day at an alarming rate. To be more specific, Replace the word
obese
Correct article usage
the workforces'
workforces'
health is Change noun form
workforce's
notable
factor for enterprises. Companies should provide their workers with Add an article
a notable
the notable
sport
facilities. Change the noun form
sports
For instance
, employees can go the
gym and they have the opportunity to be healthy. If Change preposition
to the
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
be
healthy, they can do Wrong verb form
are
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
works
easily.
Fix the agreement mistake
work
On the other hand
, I advocate the view, some
individuals suffer from Correct word choice
that some
moneyless
and Add a missing verb
being moneyless
this
can be
many variety consequences in their whole Verb problem
have
life
. To elaborate, firms should give employees Fix the agreement mistake
lives
high-income-salary
. If businesses give good Correct your spelling
high-income salaries
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
that
is
enough for employees, they can be loyal Correct subject-verb agreement
are
for
Change preposition
to
company
and buy something Add an article
the company
a company
that is
want. Furthermore
, in company
, people face Add an article
the company
a company
works
which Fix the agreement mistake
work
are
very difficult. Correct subject-verb agreement
is
As a result
, people cannot find time
and they leave their works
. Fix the agreement mistake
work
Therefore
, companies should provide their staffs
with leisure Fix the agreement mistake
staff
time
and high salary
.
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
To sum up
, although
it is claimed by some individuals firms
should take care of their workers' health, Correct pronoun usage
that firms
however
, others, including my viewpoint, believe that good
salary, leisure Correct article usage
a good
time
, and bonuses are more important for humans.Submitted by writingbhos on
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task response
Make sure your essay clearly outlines your position from the beginning and reiterates it in the conclusion to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Use transition words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. This will help guide the reader through your arguments and make your points more coherent.
task response
Back your points with more specific examples. While you've mentioned general ideas, adding detailed examples can significantly strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the clarity and accuracy of your language. Avoid overly complex structures if they compromise the clarity of your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.