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Writing Samples
Band 4

modern forms of communication have reduced the amount of time people spend seeing their friends. This has had a negative effect on their social lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#forms #communication #amount #time #people #friends #effect #lives
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The rise of social media and modern communication forms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 allowed
people
Use synonyms
 to communicate
to
Change preposition
with
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 each other without the
needs
Fix the agreement mistake
need
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of meeting
Change preposition
to meet
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 the other person off the line.
While
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 it proves to bring benefits for mankind, I firmly believe that the negative effects outweigh the advantages. First and foremost, it is important to appreciate the positive sides of modern devices. Without
such
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 communication methods, it would be nearly impossible for
people
Use synonyms
 in different countries to talk to one another.
However
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, the presence of social media
also
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reduce
Change the verb form
reduces
show examples
 the amount of time
people
Use synonyms
 spend to see their friends.
This
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 impacted the general mental health of the population
due to
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 the feeling of loneliness it brings.
For example
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, research proved that today's generation
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more prone to depression and anxiety
due to
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 the presence of modern technologies.
Moreover
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, social media has decreased the general benevolence of society as a whole.
People
Use synonyms
 are becoming more individualized and often do not care about the
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
 of their peers.
For instance
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, only 10% of citizens living in Chicago actually know
their
Change the pronoun
the
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neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
show examples
 that live right beside them. As
people
Use synonyms
 are becoming more individualistic, their mental health
deteriorated
Wrong verb form
deteriorates
show examples
 since they do not have any daily interaction with living beings.
To conclude
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, it is imperative to notice that novel technologies have brought progress to our civilization.
However
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, I agree that it can decrease the
overall
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 mental health of the citizens
due to
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 its negative effects.
Submitted by satimanb on

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task achievement
To strengthen your essay, consider elaborating on specific examples to support your arguments. Mentioning a research study is a good start, but adding details such as the name of the study, who conducted it, and concrete findings would make your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Try to transition more smoothly between paragraphs and within them. Although the logical structure of your essay is solid, using transitional phrases can help to guide the reader through your argument more seamlessly.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proliferation
  • superficial interactions
  • emotional depth
  • non-verbal cues
  • misunderstandings
  • isolation
  • convenience
  • meaningful connections
  • overreliance
  • digital communication
  • expanding social networks
  • geographical limitations
  • mobility issues
  • vital social interactions
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