IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

He chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004.

He chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004.
#expenditure #three #categories #age #groups #residents #uk
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The presented graph illustrates the proportion of total spending among different age groups of residents in the UK throughout the 2004 period.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that frequently
food
Use synonyms
 and
drink
Use synonyms
 had a higher percentage among other categories than
entertainment
Use synonyms
 and the lowest
category
Use synonyms
 was
restaurant
Use synonyms
 and hotel. In detail, in the group under
30
Add a comma
30,
show examples
 the
restaurant
Use synonyms
 and hotels have 14 per cent
while
Linking Words
 the second
category
Use synonyms
 is considered half of the first
category
Use synonyms
 followed by
food
Use synonyms
 and
drink
Use synonyms
 about two degrees less.
In addition
Linking Words
, from 31 to 45 in
food
Use synonyms
 and
drink
Use synonyms
 by 13
then
Linking Words
 other categories decrease gradually.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 46 to
60
Add a comma
60,
show examples
 the percentage of
food
Use synonyms
 and
drink
Use synonyms
 increased to 20
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
followed by
Use synonyms
restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
show examples
 and hotels by 12 as for
entertainment
Use synonyms
 two degrees higher.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in 61 to 75
entertainment
Use synonyms
 comes by 23 per cent
then
Linking Words
food
Use synonyms
 and hotel by 20 and the
last
Linking Words
category
Use synonyms
 is
restaurant
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.
Finally
Linking Words
, up 76 in
food
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 and
drink
Use synonyms
 by 23 per cent gradually
then
Linking Words
entertainment
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 and
finally
Linking Words
restaurant
Use synonyms
 and hotel. In the end, as we note, every
categories
Change to a singular noun
category
show examples
 is different in spending among different in every age
groups
Fix the agreement mistake
group
show examples
,
therefore
Linking Words
,
food
Use synonyms
 and
drink
Use synonyms
 were considered the favourite of most people, unlike restaurants and hotels.
Submitted by sesjej1330 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally".
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words food, drink, entertainment, category, restaurant with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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