IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that universities should provide graduates with the knowledge and skills needed in the workplace. Others think that the true function of a university should be to give access to knowledge for its own sake, regardless of whether the course is useful to an employer. What, in your opinion, should be the main function of a university?

#people #universities #graduates #skills #workplace #function #university #access #sake #course #employer
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From a group of
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 perspective, sufficient
knowledge
 and skills which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 needed for
work
 should be provided by
universities
 for their students.
However
, another group believes that the main responsibility of
universities
 is to offer a range of
knowledge
 without considering whether
this
knowledge
 is beneficial to an employer or not. In my opinion, students can benefit more from practical courses as opposed to merely theoretical ones. It is my view that many employers, these days, prefer to opt for
skilled
Add an article
a skilled
show examples
 workforce.
As a result
, they interview
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
those who have adequate
work
experience
. In
this
 way, many
unexperienced
Correct your spelling
inexperienced
show examples
graduates
 fail to get their desirable job.
For instance
, in Iran, a large number of
unemployed
Add an article
the unemployed
show examples
 population
is belong
Change the verb form
belongs
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
graduates
 who have an inadequate skill for working in their own
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
. If their
universities
 provided them with sufficient
experience
 during their study period, they would have good career prospects.
Furthermore
, many apprenticeships offered by various organizations can charge fees to
graduates
. It puts much more pressure on job seekers, leading to unemployment.
In contrast
, some people claim that offering theoretical
knowledge
 is the primary duty of
universities
 and they overlook the usefulness of
this
knowledge
 to employers. They firmly insist that sufficient
work
experience
 can be obtained by working at workplaces.
However
, I do not find
this
 argument persuasive as most employers are reluctant to deploy amateurs in their workspace.
Additionally
, since some
graduates
 have financial issues, they are unable to afford
apprenticeship
Fix the agreement mistake
apprenticeships
show examples
 to gain sufficient
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
. It can result in
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 jobless individuals. In conclusion, I completely agree with the crucial importance of
functional
Correct article usage
a functional
show examples
 curriculum in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
universities
 because getting a good job directly depends on the amount of
work
experience
 that people attain.
Submitted by maryam.nutrition1988 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a strong and clear thesis statement at the beginning of your essay to guide readers through your argument. This could strengthen the logical structure and coherence of your discussion.
coherence cohesion
Work on the variety and complexity of your sentence structures and incorporate a wider range of linking words to improve coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Try to provide more detailed and specific examples to support your main points. This can enrich your essay and make the argument more convincing, enhancing the task achievement score.
task achievement
Make sure your conclusion summarizes your main points and reiterates your position clearly, reinforcing the task response and coherence of the essay.
task achievement
Consider exploring both sides of the argument more evenly before concluding with your opinion. This can provide a more balanced view and may improve your score in task response.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Lifelong learning
  • Holistic development
  • Vocational training
  • Industry-specific competencies
  • Critical thinking
  • Creative problem-solving
  • Academic research
  • Intellectual development
  • Ethics and values
  • Societal contribution
  • Job market demands
  • Practical training
  • Internships
  • Knowledge advancement
  • Global challenges
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