In some places old age is valued, while in other cultures youth is considered more important. Discuss both view and give your opinion.
It is argued that old
people
will become valuable in some countries whereas
there will be many places that priorize
Correct your spelling
prioritise
young
Correct article usage
the young
generationa
better. I am of the opinion of the latter statement and the reason will be shown below through Correct your spelling
generation
generations
generation a
this
essay.
In thia
modern society, the pace of life has become faster and many state-of-the-art facilities and amenities Correct your spelling
this
were
established almost everywhere to serve human lives. Wrong verb form
have been
This
is because the young started to break their safety zone and collide with broader knowledge by inventing new modern technological invention
. Fix the agreement mistake
inventions
For instance
, Mark Zukerberg
, who is Correct your spelling
Zuckerberg
a
CEO of Facebook has successfully created a global social networking site which Correct article usage
the
connected
Wrong verb form
connects
people
from around the world, his invention was
not only Unnecessary verb
apply
help
Wrong verb form
helped
people
to
communicate better but Verb problem
apply
also
sharing
several Wrong verb form
shared
gobal
news. Correct your spelling
global
Secondly
, young peole
will be more Correct your spelling
people
passonate
and Correct your spelling
passionate
dilligent
thanthe older Correct your spelling
diligent
one
because they are in their first steps of exploring the world and full of energy to work effectively. Fix the agreement mistake
ones
For example
, the young can stay up late for their work and know well about information technology to do some useful researches
which older Fix the agreement mistake
research
people
cannot do. As a
result
youth plays an important Add a comma
result,
rile
in almost every Correct your spelling
role
cultures
.
Change to a singular noun
culture
However
, some may think that oler
age should be valued because they have Correct your spelling
older
a
vast Correct article usage
apply
of
life experience and can assist young Change preposition
apply
peope
Correct your spelling
people
to tackle
obstacles and Change preposition
in tackling
guid
them to go Correct your spelling
guide
to
the right path. It may be true, but letting the young experience Change preposition
on
by
themselves will give them Correct pronoun usage
it by
a
profound feelings and lessons.
In conclusion, Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
although
elderly
should be valued in some places because they are full of life experience and can guide earlier Correct article usage
the elderly
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
but
you Correct word choice
apply
people
will be more passionate and Correct your spelling
diligent
dilligent
to work on their own as wellCorrect your spelling
diligent
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Grammar
Be sure to proofread your essay to correct small grammatical errors and typos, such as 'thia' instead of 'this', 'Zukerberg' instead of 'Zuckerberg', and 'passonate and dilligent thanthe older one' should be 'passionate and diligent than the older one'. These minor adjustments will help improve the overall clarity and professionalism of your writing.
Vocabulary
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary to articulate your points. You have the right ideas, but varying your word choice can help your essay stand out and more effectively convey your perspective.
Argumentation
Your essay does a good job of presenting both sides of the argument. However, to strengthen your position, consider adding more detailed examples and deepening your analysis of each point. This can include data, research findings, or more specific case studies to back up your claims.
Coherence
Your essay can benefit from clearer transitions between paragraphs and within them. Phrases that signal changes in argument or support your points can guide the reader through your essay more smoothly.
Task Achievement
You successfully discussed both viewpoints on the value of youth and old age in society, which fulfills the task requirement.
Argument Structure
You provided a balanced view by presenting both sides of the argument before giving your opinion, which is crucial in a discuss both views essay.
Use of Examples
Including examples, such as Mark Zuckerberg's contribution to global communication, helps illustrate your point and make your argument more convincing.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.