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Band 5

In some places old age is valued,while in other cultures youth is considered more important.Discuss both viewws and give your own opinion.

#places #age #cultures #youth #viewws
The role of old
people
 compared to
youngs
Correct your spelling
young
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 is a navigation that has conversial
answer
Fix the agreement mistake
answers
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, There are frequent debates regarding the worth of
people
, and age is one of the bases
on
Change preposition
apply
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more important, I would say both have significance, but
distinct
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are distinct
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 in nature. On the one side, there are
people
 who give more value to old
people
 because of the invaluable experience they have. To be precise, it is almost a proven fact that as
people
 get older, they learn more from their
real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
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experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
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. These lessons they have learned are crucial for the younger generation
,
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apply
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 if these are shared with them.
For example
, a Second World War veteran can share critical
life-skills
Correct your spelling
life skills
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 like surviving in an extremely hostile situation more effectively than any best teacher. Another area in which the old age
people
 are exceptional is in case of transferring
the
Correct article usage
apply
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precious culture and heritage to their immediate generation, and
this
 is inevitable for the society’s identity.
On the other hand
,a group of
people
 agree young
people
is
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are
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 more important because of the following reasons.
Firstly
,they are the key
of
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to
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 a bright future
about
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for
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one
Correct determiner usage
a
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development
Replace the word
developed
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 country,living in the best
conditon
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condition
instead
 of war,disasters in the past can help them
gained
Wrong verb form
gain
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 knowledge to serve for nation.
Moreover
,the reason why many companies prefer young professionals
than
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to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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old and established ones is because of higher productivity at a lesser cost.
In addition
, the youth can adapt flexibly to the innovative ideas, which are put forward by firms and governments. After analysing both views in detail, I feel
a
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apply
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society needs invaluable experience and service of the old ones. At the same time, it
also
 requires a strong population of productive workforce, who can adapt to the progressing situations.
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task achievement
Consider introducing your essay with a clear thesis statement that outlines your discussion points and your stance to give readers an immediate understanding of your essay's direction.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the coherence of your essay by making clearer connections between paragraphs. Use transitional phrases like 'Moreover', 'Furthermore', and 'In contrast' to guide the reader smoothly from one idea to the next.
task achievement
Improve your essay by paraphrasing the task prompt more effectively in your introduction. This shows your ability to express complex ideas in your own words.
task achievement
To strengthen your argument, provide more detailed and specific examples. While you mentioned the roles of old people and youth, concrete examples or case studies could enrich your discussion.
coherence cohesion
Review and correct grammatical errors and ensure the correct use of articles ('a', 'an', 'the'). This will significantly improve the readability of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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