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Band 5

In some places old age is valued, while in other culture youth is considered more important. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

#places #age #culture #youth
In today's digital age, many
people
 argue that elderly persons are
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
playing an important role,
while
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 believe that
teenagers
Change noun form
teenagers'
teenager's
show examples
 impact is highly valuable. In my opinion, having more youngsters causes more benefits.
This
 essay comprises both these views and my opinion, followed by a logical conclusion. On the one hand, elders are the most experienced persons in
this
 society.
This
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 others a lot, especially children who do not have practical knowledge regarding the contemporary world. To
clucidate
Correct your spelling
elucidate
, grandparents are able to share their invaluable life experiences with younger
people
 which may broaden
youngerster
Correct your spelling
youngster
 thinking patterns.
For example
, senior citizens in Sri Lanka always teach life lessons to their grandchildren in other to develop the knowledge of the next generation.
Thus
,
old aged
Verb problem
the elderly
show examples
 are valuable to society.
However
, there are some
case
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
show examples
 that old
people
 who have a negative brain make their activity abnormal and dangerous. In
this
 case,
theiy
Correct your spelling
they
 should be live in hospital for old
people
 and must be visited usually by their children.
On the other hand
, youth is contributing much to
workforce
Add an article
the workforce
a workforce
show examples
 of particular nations. Without having with
plethora
Add an article
a plethora
the plethora
show examples
 of problems
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
term
Add an article
a term
the term
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 of economy. It is
due to
 the fact that teenagers are the
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 who are capable of working with
cutting edge
Add a hyphen
cutting-edge
show examples
 technology and innovating new ideas.
For example
, Australia is opening its gates to skilled migration in order to develop the country of the lack of a workforce.
Therefore
,
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
aged
Replace the word
age
show examples
 group are highly important from an economic
points
Correct the article-noun agreement
point
show examples
 of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
. In conclusion,
although
 some
people
 claim that senior citizens are more important, I
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
 believe that youth is the most prominent factor in
this
 sophisticated era.
Submitted by zky1705202 on

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introduction
Ensure that the introduction succinctly presents the topic and your viewpoint. Consider refining your thesis statement for clarity.
body paragraph
Develop each paragraph with a clear topic sentence, followed by relevant details and examples. Make sure each paragraph focuses on a single idea relating to your thesis.
coherence
To enhance coherence, use a range of linkers and transition words. This helps to smoothly connect ideas and paragraphs, leading to a more cohesive essay.
cohesion
For cohesion, ensure your essay flows logically from the introduction through the body paragraphs to the conclusion. Each part should naturally lead into the next.
conclusion
Revisit your conclusion to ensure it effectively summarizes your main points and clearly restates your opinion. It should be a concise and powerful ending to your essay.
accuracy
Double-check your work for any grammatical or spelling errors. Minor errors can detract from the overall impression of your essay.
examples
When providing examples, be specific and detailed. This not only supports your argument better but also demonstrates a wider knowledge of the topic.
paraphrasing
Practice paraphrasing more effectively in your introduction and conclusion. This skill shows your linguistic flexibility and helps to avoid repetition.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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