In some places the old age is valued, while in other cultures youth is considered more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In
this
21st century, there is a clear hierarchy between the age of the old and the young. The writer contends that it is vital to invest in the improvement of the younger generations rather than considering estimating the old
people
's values. It must be recognised that the globe is developing day by day with the assistance of technology and artificial information.
That is
the reason why the younger generations are more valuable
,
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apply
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because young
people
can have the ability to practise and
utilised
Wrong verb form
utilise
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devices flexibly and their degrees and certificates
are seemed
Change to the active voice
seem
have seemed
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to be crucial and worthy.
Moreover
, the youth is educated at an early age in schools and their mindset always requires ambition, the best try,
the
Correct word choice
and the
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opportunity to learn and challenge themselves.
As a result
, those
people
can be promoted in their careers easily and they may
also
get some scholarships to develop work in foreign countries.
Therefore
, the government should concentrate on the youth and facilitate
for
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apply
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them to cultivate and explore
about
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apply
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the world.
However
, the old still bring benefits for life. It should be acknowledged that elder
people
are rich in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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wisdom and experience because they have tackled many different situations, which lead to flexibility the agility in problem-solving and
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
children useful advice.
This
point may be true, but old individuals cannot quickly respond and use technological devices masterfully. Taking IT jobs as an example, social demands make
people
know how to control AI and gadgets. We can see that the young
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
chosen more than the old by recruiting who actually manages the machines. In conclusion,
although
I realise the potential of the old in experience, I would argue that the young should be respected
due to
their vast amount of knowledge and professionalism in technology.

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logical structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure throughout. This includes having distinct paragraphs, each addressing a specific point related to the question. Developing a more cohesive argument where each part flows smoothly into the next will strengthen your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are present but can be improved for clarity. Specifically, make your thesis statement in the introduction clearer and ensure your conclusion effectively summarizes your argument and restates your opinion.
supported main points
Support your arguments with more detailed and specific examples. These examples should clearly relate to the point you are making in each paragraph. Consider using a wider range of examples that include statistics, real-life situations, and authoritative opinions to enhance your argument.
complete response
While you have addressed the prompt, your response could be strengthened by providing a more balanced view of both perspectives before stating your opinion. Ensure you fully explore each view and how they compare before presenting your opinion.
clear comprehensive ideas
Focus on clarifying and developing your ideas further. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea that is explained, supported, and concluded effectively. Avoid making broad, unsupported statements.
relevant specific examples
Integrate more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. These should not only illustrate your point but also be directly tied to the argument you are making, adding depth and credibility to your discussion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • repositories of knowledge
  • esteemed
  • insights
  • embedded
  • seeking advice
  • prioritizing
  • premium on innovation
  • dynamism
  • adaptability
  • technological advancements
  • entrepreneurs
  • pioneers
  • indispensable
  • stability
  • harmonious
  • progressive
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