It is the responsibility of schools to teach children good behaviour in addition to provide formal education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that
schools
should teach students to be good people apart from providing formal education. I completely agree with
this
statement because
children
spend long hours at
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
, and
parents
have to pay for tuition fees.
Schools
should be responsible for teaching
children
to have good
manners
because
children
spend a significant amount of time at
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
.
This
is because when
children
spend a lot of time with teachers who usually act as role models for them, students can learn and imitate good
manners
.
For example
, students from one of the most famous
schools
in Thailand reported that they behave themselves well because their teachers instilled good values in them
while
studying at
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
. Another reason is that
parents
have to pay
for
Change preposition
apply
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tuition fees, so they expect their
children
to become good people.
This
is
due to
the fact that
parents
expect their
children
to be successful both professionally and personally.
For instance
, international
schools
in Thailand charge
parents
a lot of money, so their
parents
expect their
children
to be excellent not only at academic subjects
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
good
manners
. In conclusion,
schools
have to be responsible for teaching about good
manners
because
children
spend a lot of time at
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
, and
parents
have to pay for education costs.
Submitted by aiforeducation2023 on

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task achievement
To improve task response, try to deepen your analysis by exploring the nuances of the statement. It would be beneficial to acknowledge potential arguments against your position and offer counterarguments. This adds complexity and demonstrates an ability to engage critically with the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Increasing the range of linking words beyond basic connectors ('because', 'for example') and incorporating more sophisticated ones ('thus', 'therefore', 'hence') could enhance your essay's flow and cohesiveness.
coherence and cohesion
Using a wider variety of sentence structures and syntax can make your essay more engaging and demonstrate your language flexibility. Try to blend short and long sentences, and use both active and passive voices to vary your writing style.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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