It is the responsibility of schools to teach children good behaviour in addition to provide formal education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is argued that
schools
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should teach students to be good people apart from providing formal education. I completely agree with
this
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statement because
children
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spend long hours at
Use synonyms
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
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, and
parents
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have to pay for tuition fees.
Schools
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should be responsible for teaching
children
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to have good
manners
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because
children
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spend a significant amount of time at
Use synonyms
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
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.
This
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is because when
children
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spend a lot of time with teachers who usually act as role models for them, students can learn and imitate good
manners
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.
For example
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, students from one of the most famous
schools
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in Thailand reported that they behave themselves well because their teachers instilled good values in them
while
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studying at
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schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
. Another reason is that
parents
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have to pay
for
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apply
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tuition fees, so they expect their
children
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to become good people.
This
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is
due to
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the fact that
parents
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expect their
children
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to be successful both professionally and personally.
For instance
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, international
schools
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in Thailand charge
parents
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a lot of money, so their
parents
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expect their
children
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to be excellent not only at academic subjects
,
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apply
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but
also
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good
manners
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. In conclusion,
schools
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have to be responsible for teaching about good
manners
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because
children
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spend a lot of time at
Use synonyms
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
, and
parents
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have to pay for education costs.
Submitted by aiforeducation2023 on

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task achievement
To improve task response, try to deepen your analysis by exploring the nuances of the statement. It would be beneficial to acknowledge potential arguments against your position and offer counterarguments. This adds complexity and demonstrates an ability to engage critically with the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Increasing the range of linking words beyond basic connectors ('because', 'for example') and incorporating more sophisticated ones ('thus', 'therefore', 'hence') could enhance your essay's flow and cohesiveness.
coherence and cohesion
Using a wider variety of sentence structures and syntax can make your essay more engaging and demonstrate your language flexibility. Try to blend short and long sentences, and use both active and passive voices to vary your writing style.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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