The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.
The proportion of fat kids in
the
western countries has grown by nearly 20% over ten years. Correct article usage
apply
This
essay will discuss the causes and effects that may occur from this
trend.
One
of the main causes of the
obesity are consumption of fast Correct article usage
apply
food
, high-calorie snacks and poor
diet. Correct article usage
a poor
For example
, according to
information from one
magazine “Children of America” which was released in 2023, almost 80% of pupils in the West eat burgers, pizza or other types of harmful food
after school classes or when they meet with their friends. Furthermore
, fast food
contains substances that are addictive as well as
have destructive and harmful effects on children’s organs, hence
, they are starting to gain weight faster. In addition
to this
, high calorie
snacks like crisps, carbonated drinks and fatty Add a hyphen
high-calorie
food
also
destroy kid’s bodies.
One
of the main consequences of obesity is developing both physical and psychological problems at young
age. Add an article
a young
For instance
, heart disease, diabetes or high blood pressure from the physical side and depression, insecurities, absences of self-esteem and confidence from the psychological side. As a result
, these problems would complicate not only the life of a child but also
the parent’s life. There would be regular hospital visits, drug intakes and excruciating pain. Furthermore
, depression and insecurities may lead to suicidal signs.
In conclusion, food
is one
of the main causes of obesity and effects
Correct article usage
the effects
from
that kind of lifestyle may lead to serious problems in mental and physical health, which in the future escalate to a fatal outcome.Change preposition
of
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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, but it would benefit from more effective paragraphing and the use of cohesive devices (e.g., furthermore, however, therefore). Try to vary your linking words more to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
You've addressed the task by discussing causes and effects, but to achieve a higher score, deepen your analysis of each point. Instead of just listing causes and effects, explain why these causes lead to obesity and how exactly these effects manifest in children's lives. Use more specific examples and data to support your claims.