The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.
The proportion of fat kids in
the
western countries has grown by nearly 20% over ten years. Correct article usage
apply
This
essay will discuss the causes and effects that may occur from Linking Words
this
trend.
Linking Words
One
of the main causes of Use synonyms
the
obesity are consumption of fast Correct article usage
apply
food
, high-calorie snacks and Use synonyms
poor
diet. Correct article usage
a poor
For example
, Linking Words
according to
information from Linking Words
one
magazine “Children of America” which was released in 2023, almost 80% of pupils in the West eat burgers, pizza or other types of harmful Use synonyms
food
after school classes or when they meet with their friends. Use synonyms
Furthermore
, fast Linking Words
food
contains substances that are addictive Use synonyms
as well as
have destructive and harmful effects on children’s organs, Linking Words
hence
, they are starting to gain weight faster. Linking Words
In addition
to Linking Words
this
, Linking Words
high calorie
snacks like crisps, carbonated drinks and fatty Add a hyphen
high-calorie
food
Use synonyms
also
destroy kid’s bodies.
Linking Words
One
of the main consequences of obesity is developing both physical and psychological problems at Use synonyms
young
age. Add an article
a young
For instance
, heart disease, diabetes or high blood pressure from the physical side and depression, insecurities, absences of self-esteem and confidence from the psychological side. Linking Words
As a result
, these problems would complicate not only the life of a child but Linking Words
also
the parent’s life. There would be regular hospital visits, drug intakes and excruciating pain. Linking Words
Furthermore
, depression and insecurities may lead to suicidal signs.
In conclusion, Linking Words
food
is Use synonyms
one
of the main causes of obesity and Use synonyms
effects
Correct article usage
the effects
from
that kind of lifestyle may lead to serious problems in mental and physical health, which in the future escalate to a fatal outcome.Change preposition
of
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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, but it would benefit from more effective paragraphing and the use of cohesive devices (e.g., furthermore, however, therefore). Try to vary your linking words more to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
You've addressed the task by discussing causes and effects, but to achieve a higher score, deepen your analysis of each point. Instead of just listing causes and effects, explain why these causes lead to obesity and how exactly these effects manifest in children's lives. Use more specific examples and data to support your claims.